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I sit in my house with Sarah, wheezie, rafe and mom watching a video of dad. "A great man once said that if you're born poor that's not your fault but if you die poor well that's on you. I think in the end it was my fear of going back of losing everything I have that made me lose sight of everything I am... everything I wanted to be. I killed Big John Routledge. I murdered Sheriff Peterkin. I shot Gavin Barnstead. I know there's nothing I can do to ease the pain I've caused. Many will say I took the easy way out. But I leave this world with the terrible pain of knowing that I leave behind my family shattered by grief broken by my sins. I don't expect you to forgive me for leaving you this way. I just pray you understand that... I can't go on ruining your lives anymore. This had to end. To all of you I leave my estate uh to be divided equally and I leave a love deeper than I could ever express. Take care of each other." Dad says in the video Wheezie starts to cry so she gets up and walks off. Sarah slams the laptop shut holding back tears. After a few more minutes Rafe and Sarah both leave. I start to get up to leave as well "Stella-" mom starts to say "No please. I don't want to hear it right now" I tell her then walk off
I walk outside grabbing my bike to head to John b's "Stella. Hey wait." Rafe says running after me "Wait wait wait wait wait. Slow down. Slow down." He says grabbing my shoulder. I jump off my bike throwing it to the ground "You touch me one more freaking time!" I yell pushing him away "We can't keep ignoring each other. Dad would want us to talk" Rafe tells me "When I tell you, you are the last person I want to talk to I mean it Rafe" I tell him "I know you hate me. I know you hate me-" Rate starts to say "You tried to kill me Rafe." I tell him "I know. I know. I know. I know Stella. I just-" he says putting his hands on his head. I get back on my bike and start to ride off "Please. No Stella." He says "Jeez" I scoff "Please! Stella please don't leave okay?" Rafe begs me. I let out a sigh before I stop "Dad's gone. And now it's just... it's you me Sarah and Wheezie." He tells me "What's the point Rafe?" I ask him "I know. I know... I know what I did okay? But listen um... I was only trying to do right by Dad okay? Everything I... Everything I ever did was trying to help him okay? And you heard... you heard the recording. He said we should... we should stay together as a family. It was his dying wish and he's gone. And I swear I'm gonna do what I can to make that happen. I know I can't... I can't change the past but I'm gonna be different now. I really am sorry Stella " Rafe says then walks away. I stand there for a second regaining myself before peddling away.
I find John b sitting on the dock. I walk over to him taking a deep breath "Hey" I say "Hey" John B says I walk past him and sit at the end of the dock. I hear John b follow and sit next to me
"I'm sorry you had to see that" John B says as we sit I try not to cry taking a deep breath. "The way you looked... You looked almost....glad." I tell him "I..." John B starts to say "I saw you" I say "Stella he killed my dad," John B tells me "I know and I'm sorry. I just- I just think too much has happened." I tell him "What does that mean?" John B asks me "I just thought of all people.... you would understand... what it was like losing a dad...And I needed you." I cry "And it's all too complicated." I say "No it's... it's not. It's not too complicated" John B tells me "Maybe it is for me" I say standing up "I think I should go." I say walking off I hear John b follow after me "Hey. Star. Hey." He says as I walk away but he wraps his arms around me in a hug "No no. Look. Hey. Hey. It's okay. It's okay.It's okay." He says kissing my head I turn around to look at him "Just talk to me. Please." He says I his hand in mine. "I just need some time. Some space. I..." I say letting out shaky breath. "There's just too much going on. I... I still want to care about you JB. I do. I just... It's too painful right now." I tell him taking off the bandanna on my neck "Star..." John B starts to say trailing off I grab his hand and give it to him. I take his hands in mine and kiss it "I have to go." I tell him walking off
I didn't know where to go. I could go home, I didn't want to see rafe or mom. I couldn't stay and John b's and I didn't want to stay with the crew because John b would check there first for me. I throw a small rock at toppers window. He walks out onto the balcony "Hey" I say "Stella hey!" Topper says "I'm so sorry. Can I stay again?" I ask him "Yeah of course of course. Uh... I'll be right down" Topper says
"It's totally cool. Seriously you can stay as long as you need. Okay?" Topper tells me "Thanks. I just can't go home." I tell him "I can't imagine what you're going through" he says as "I just can't believe it honestly" I tell him "Look Ward wasn't you know perfect by any means but um... you know he... he was still your dad. I think it's... it's probably hard to be just simple and happy now" Topper says "Nothing feels simple or happy." I tell him "Um..I got school tomorrow but-" topper tells me "Yeah I'm sorry" I say "No no no. I was gonna say there's the bonfire afterward if you want to go. Do you remember?" He asks me "Oh that's tomorrow?" I ask him "That's tomorrow. Remember the bonfire the annual bonfire?" Topper asks "Yeah." I say "We could uh... take the Malibu" Topper says. "Couple mai tais you know. Shotgun a few beers. Uh I think it'd be good for you to just kinda get your mind off things if you're down." He tells me "I'll think about it" I tell him "Okay. Okay cool. Well um... get some sleep and let me know if you need anything okay?" Topper says "Uh yeah I will. Good night." I tell him
I couldn't fall asleep so I sit out of the dock thinking about everything. I hear someone walk up behind me making me jump some "Topper?" I ask turning around "Aww shit" I hear someone say knocking over a bucket "JJ?" I ask "Ahh yep that's me" JJ says "What are you doing here?" I ask him "I can ask you the same thing" JJ says sitting down next to me "I came to see how you were" JJ tells me "Thank you" I smile "Why are you staying with topper?" JJ asks me "I didn't want to go home" I answer "Why didn't you just stay at the Château" JJ asks "You know why" I tell him "I just need some time" I tell him "I understand that. You're going through a lot right now" JJ tells me "Are you going to the bonfire?" JJ asks me "No. Topper asked me to go but I don't think I will" I tell him "Yvonne asked John B to go" JJ tells me "Really?" I ask him "Yeah" he says "Good for him" I nod "That's a lie" JJ laughs and I just shrug "Well I'm here for you if you need, even if you and John b are on a break." JJ tells me "Thank you JJ" I smile "I've gotta go before John b knows I left" JJ laughs I open my mouth to speak but JJ does before me "And don't worry I won't tell him you're here" he smiles taking the words right out of my mouth "Thank you JJ" I smile as he walks off
