If I loved you

From soulmates to strangers

Present day

I opened my eyes only to see a room full of people. They are all eagerly waiting for something......

'Tell me Mr Tawan, is it true or not?'

Oh. They are waiting for my answer. I closed my eyes and tried to recall everything.

I've been dreaming for so long. In my dream, I went back to the orphanage ten years ago. There were many hardships but.....at least he was with me.......

New.......

My mind was a mess.

'Mr Tawan?'

I closed my eyes tiredly. I don't want to talk right now.

'Son?'

Pa, I am tired. Physically and mentally. Please let me rest.

'Talk to me Tay, why are you silent?' Pa lightly touched my head.

I don't know what to say Pa. I know what you want from me.....you want me to tell the police how I ended up in this hospital. You already gave them every details.....I know you want me to do the same but......

I clenched my fist and a groan escaped my lips. I have accidentally squeezed the IV line.

The doctor quickly patted my arm and I slowly released the pressure. He adjusted everything again.

'I think he needs more time to recover his energy. Let him rest first. Come back later.' He took pity on me and I finally got the chance to be alone.

'Oh...but...his mom is waiting outside.....'

'Let her meet him in the afternoon. Okay?'

'Fine. Tay, son, rest some more. I will be back with mom in the evening.'

'Then....Mr Tawan....' One of the police officers said hesitantly.

'Let him be. You can interrogate him later.' The doctor said in a stern voice.

'Sure. Then we will be back later.'

They left one by one but I remained silent.

I know pa and ma are worried for me. They love me so much and I love them too. In these past ten years they gave me a home filled with warmth and comfort. They sheltered me from every storm. I am thankful to God for giving me such a lovely family.

But even they couldn't mend my broken heart. At first I couldn't conceal my pain from them but gradually I learnt to hide it well. Afterall nobody knows the details. I didn't tell them anything. So when I started to reciprocate their feelings they were relieved that I forgot my past hardships but I didn't forget a thing.....as long as it was about New.

10 years ago he just vanished from my life. No......he didn't actually vanished...but he became someone who was out of my reach. The pain of losing him was so excruciating but at the same time I was determined to meet him one day.......

That day finally came after 10 years. I met him face to face but what happened next was something beyond my expectation.

'Tay?'

I heard someone's voice beside me and opened my eyes.

'How are you feeling?'

'Annie?' I was surprised.

'Yeah. I am here.' A soft hand touched my arm.

'Thirsty.' I said with difficulty. My throat was dry.

She quickly pressed the bell and a nurse came to inquire. She gave me a bit of water just enough to wet my lips.

'Sorry but you are only allowed to have this much.' The nurse looked at me with sympathy.

'I am thirsty.' I need more water.

'I know. The doctor will be here anytime soon. Wait for his permission.' The nurse was busy reading my charts.

'Thank you.' Ann politely said.

'You are?' The nurse asked curiously.

'I am his girlfriend.'

'Oh. I didn't see you before. So.....'

'Yeah...I know....I came directly from the airport.'

'Oh. You are not from here?'

'No. I live abroad. Born and brought up there by my Thai parents.'

'I see.'

'Is he doing okay?'

'Your boyfriend is very lucky that the bullet didn't damage any vital parts. If even a single inch was in the other direction, it would hit an artery. In that case.....you can imagine the rest.'

Annie was completely silent.

'Call me if he needs anything again.' The nurse left the room.

Annie didn't say anything for a long time. I kept my eyes closed and tried hard to keep my breathing even. She might left if I could convince her that I am asleep.

'So you came back here, established a company in a hurry just to court this disaster?' I really fell asleep when her voice startled me awake.

'I know you are not sleeping Tay.'

I sighed inwardly and slowly opened my eyes. She was looking at me disapprovingly.

'Who told you?' I asked after sometime.

'Your dad called me yesterday. I couldn't get on a plane last night so I caught an early morning flight today.'

'Oh.'

'You are so selfish you know. You didn't even think about me or your parents before doing this stupid thing. I told you before not to come here. This country is not safe. We were happy back there, weren't we? But you have to ruin that.'

Happy? I beg to differ Ann. Your definition of happiness and my definition of happiness are totally different.

I opted to stay silent.

'Your dad is planning to move back after you get a bit better. He asked me to....'

'I am not going anywhere!' I almost shouted.

'Tay!'

'Please leave. I want to sleep.' I said bitterly. Leaving this place? Living New again? Impossible!

'Why are you so stubborn? Have you not suffered enough?' She stood up and glared at me.

This girl........ Always gives me a headache..

'You have no right to play with our emotions. We don't deserve this you know.' She said that and left the room without looking back.

I know. But what can I do? I am indeed a selfish person. I had been my whole life. That's why I hid my real feelings for him and pretended to be his best friend when in reality all I wanted was to embrace him and never let him go.

But he didn't want me in his life. Not back then.....not even now. It's me who wanted to stay by his side. I failed miserably years ago and I failed this time too.

I blamed him for my misery back then when he left me behind. I was angry but at the same time I was a tiny bit happy that...he found his happiness....his family.....

Then slowly my anger dissipated....I only remembered good feelings....

So I have waited patiently for my chance. I never gave up. I tried hard to be the best version of myself so that he will accept me this time. Even if just as a friend. But.......

I fell asleep and started to dream again. I knew it was a dream because......For the past ten years I have dreamt about him many times. So many times that I stopped counting. Actually it's not a dream but my worst nightmare......

it's about the time when we got separated.