If I loved you

You are the one I need

'Tay you forgot to bring this bag......what happened? Why are you all standing like this?'

Uncle came inside with my laptop bag.

'I thought you said you want New to have this room. So I already prepared another room for you.' Ma said hesitantly.

'I am going to stay here, with him. We used to stay like this in the orphanage.'

Ma's face became pale the moment she heard the word orphanage.

'Don't worry. We are all here. New, if you need something just give us a shout..... it's just a small house, we will come running in a minute. Ha ha.' Uncle saw that and tried to uplift her mood by making jokes.

Ma is very lucky to have him. Not only he accepted her past, he accepted me too. I am glad that ma met him and fell in love with him. I know she loved my father very much but he is no more and she really needed someone who can take care of her.

'You guys are worrying for nothing. I will be fine....'

'I am staying here.' Tay stubbornly replied.

'Tay....' Ma was trying to understand the situation. I can't blame her. She knows that we were best friends back in the orphanage but that's it. She doesn't know anything about our hidden love.

'Ah ah. Let him stay here. New, do you have a problem with that?' But uncle interfered.

What am I going to say!

'But.....' Ma was still hesitant.

'It's settled then. Two brothers sharing a room. I remember, when I was a teenager I used to share a room with my two big brothers. Ha ha.'

Brothers indeed!

Just like me, Tay didn't like the comparison, he scowled but didn't argue.

'Come, love. Let's see what the cook is preparing for lunch.' Uncle held ma's hand. Ma looked at me and Tay and left the room without saying anything further.

'Go and sit down. I am going to unpack. Just tell me, what to put where. You don't have to do anything.' He opened my bag and took out the medicine box, then he sat on the floor and started to inspect it.

'Tay.....I am not comfortable with this setup....I want a separate room.'

'No.' He said stubbornly.

'Tay....' Try to understand...

'You are not comfortable with me but you didn't have any problem to share a two bedroom house with Luke.' He gave me an accusatory glance.

'We shared a house, not a room.' I sighed.

Don't be jealous. I don't like Luke. I like you.

'Then tell me why are you uncomfortable?'

Valid question. But.....I won't be able to give you the answer.

Because.....I know in advance that those non-addiction medicines are not gonna work for long. I will feel more and more irritated and will start to behave badly. I don't want you to see me like this. If it's a separate room, I will manage to hide it from you....but not in the same room. It's not possible.

'I am just....I want space ....'

'I will sleep on the sofa.' But as expected he misunderstood me.

'I am not talking about sleeping...'

I am talking about staying together 24/7. I will become more and more irritated and I don't want you to suffer.

But if I say that to him, he will get more worried. So......