If I loved you

Missing you madly

After entering my apartment the first thing I did was to run to the bathroom and vomit heavily. My headache is back and now I am feeling really unwell.

I looked at my surroundings and this emptiness which was once very welcoming now felt like a dark abyss.

I sat down on the sofa and tried to calm my heart. Why am I feeling this bitter? What Tay said earlier wasn't a lie. I really didn't want him to see me this vulnerable. But right now I just want to see him, that day under the bridge I felt a rare calmness when I was talking to him over the phone. My episode lasted only for a few minutes......but that night when he wasn't with me I suffered immensely.

Why am I pushing him away instead of embracing him. I know that being with him makes a huge difference in my mental health.

With all these thoughts I started to sweat profusely so decided to take a shower. Maybe after that I will call him and ask him to come here. He said he was leaving because I wanted him to then if I asked him to come he might come.

So I took off my clothes and discarded them on the floor and went to the bathroom. The lights were really bright and hurting my eyes so I turned them off. But in the dark I didn't notice that I was turning on the hot water line.

So when I stood under the shower and the water hit my body it was scalding hot and I almost screamed in pain. I hurriedly turned it off but the damage was already done. My back and parts of shoulder got 1st degree burns.

I switched on the lights and saw my reflection in the mirror. The skin became pinkish and feeling a throbbing pain everywhere.

I shook my head and smiled mockingly. What a luck! This pain helped me subdued my previous uneasiness. Now I am only feeling this dull ache everywhere. I carefully adjusted the water temperature and again stood under the shower. This time cold water started to pour over my body and the pain subsided.

I know it's only temporary but still I welcomed this relief.

I was almost done when the bell rang.

Who the hell is that? I didn't order room service.....

I turned off the shower and got out of the cubicle.

I wrapped myself in a bathrobe and grudgingly opened the door. Wherever the robe was rubbing in my body, I was feeling pain.

'Young master, P Tay asked me to give you this.' A guard was standing outside.

I looked down at his hand. He was holding my medicine box. I looked right and looked left, Tay wasn't there.

He dropped me here, then went home to fetch it and delivered it to me!

'Where's he?'

'He left after giving me this.'

Left?

'Okay. You can go now.'

'Young master.....P Tay asked me to order some food for you. The kitchen is preparing it. I'll deliver it shortly.'

'No need. I am not hungry.'

'Young master...'

'Leave.' I closed the door.

You left after delivering this? Who asked you to bring this to me? I don't need your favour.

I angrily threw the box on the floor and the lid became loose so everything scattered around on the ground.

Useless medicine....

I picked up my phone from the table and pressed Tay's number.

No answer.