If I loved you

It's always better when we are together

Ten years ago

Six months have already passed. That day we came in too late. All the patrons were already gone and two boys got adopted. New congratulated them with a smile and I couldn't look at his face because I knew how devastated he actually was. Selfishly, I was beyond happy.

There was no change in his behaviour towards me and I was grateful for that. We got busy with our day to day life and I was fully satisfied with that. What else do I need? He was beside me and that was enough.

There was only one problem. Big brother seemed to have taken an interest in him. He started to send him outside on missions frequently. He wasn't allowed to talk about it but I knew he was suffering.

'Big brother asked me to go with them tonight.' One afternoon when we were coming back from school New told me with a scowl.

'Again!' I stopped walking.

'Mn.'

'This is ridiculous!'

'Did you forget about the big task I told you on the rooftop?....it's time......we are going to a place far from here....so maybe I won't be coming back.... For a few days.'

'What! Didn't you say that you are only dealing with their local odd jobs? Then why are you going out of town? I thought he wasn't going to send you there.....'

'That's what they told me. I don't know any details.'

'Fake a stomachache or....or....a fever...or whatever....just don't go with them.'

'You know that's not possible. They'll drag me there even if I am half dead.' He shook his head.

'Then I am coming with you.' I held his arm and turned him towards me.

'Nonsense!' He tried to get rid of my hand.

'Why not? I am going to ask big brother to give me a task just like you. Then we can go together. Yes, that's what I am going to do.' I made up my mind.

'No. Don't even think about it. You don't know how dangerous their dealings are. I won't allow you to come.' This time he grabbed my shoulder with force.

'You can't stop me. It's my decision.' I shook off his hand and started to walk ahead.

'Tay!'

'See you later. I am going straight to meet Big brother.'

'If you go there...... then .....'

I stopped walking and turned around to see his red face. New was angry.

'I am going.' I gritted my teeth. I am not letting you go all alone.

'Then our friendship is over.' He shouted.

I was about to turn when his words made my heart jump.

'What did you say!' I said with disbelief.

'You heard me. If you are even thinking about joining them....then I won't be your friend anymore.'

'New! You.....!' I glared at him. Is he for real?!

'Go ahead and join them. But remember that I will stop talking to you. If you want that then.....'

'You....' I became speechless.

'I know you won't hurt me like that. So stop talking nonsense and let's hurry up. I need rest before heading out.' He stood in front of me and smiled softly.

'Why? Why can't I join you?'

'What do you mean by why? I am with them not because I enjoy those activities. I am with them because they forced me to. Do you honestly think I will let you do that illegal stuff willingly?' There was some kind of determination in his eyes. Like he will do anything to keep me away from harm's way.

'I am willing to do that if that means I can be with you all the time.'

'Don't start again Tay....' He pinched his forehead tiredly.

'You okay?'

'You are giving me a headache.'

'Ah ah ... let's head back first. You are hungry. That's why you are having headache.' I quickly took his hand and started to run.

'Wait! Not so fast! You brat!' He followed me with a laugh.

I like when he laughs.

There was nothing to eat at the orphanage in the afternoon. So we buy some snacks. New gives tuitions to some of the students at school so we always have some money to spend.

Those who are assigned to go out on missions get their separate rooms. New also got one. I always sneaked in here when everybody fell asleep. At first New was afraid that someone might see me and I would get into trouble. But in front of my constant pestering he caved. We started to sleep together on that tiny bed.
Today I came straight to the room and after having our food we laid down side by side on the bed. It was a blessing and torture for me. But I gladly accepted my fate. Sleeping beside him ...... it's exhilarating!

'New?'

'Mn?'

'I am worried.'

'For me?'

I didn't answer. What a stupid boy! If not for him then for whom!

He laughed lightly and turned to face me. I was already on my side so now our faces just inch apart. This sudden proximity was making my blood boil.

'Don't think too much. I'll be back in no time.' He smiled.

'Promise?'

'Mn. Promise.'

I closed my eyes and sighed inwardly. Despite his constant promises I don't feel satisfied.

'I don't want to stay here anymore. New?'

'Mn?'

'Let's run away.'

'Mn.'

'Are you even listening to me!' I asked him numerous times in these past six months but every time he avoided the subject.

'I am thinking about something else. Today something strange happened at school.' New mumbled sleepily.

'When? I was with you all this time.' I don't know what he's talking about.

'Um....at lunch break....when you went to fetch some water....'

'What happened?'

'A woman came to the lunchroom and asked my name.'

'What? Who?'

'I don't know.'

'You don't know her?'

'Uh ha. I don't remember to meet her anywhere.'

'Then what happened?'

'She asked for my name and address.'

'Please tell me you didn't give her any information.'

'I...did.'

'New! Are you crazy! Why did you give her that!'

'I.... it's not something that important right? I mean she could get this info about me from anyone..'

'Then what happened?'

'After hearing that she left hurriedly.'

'You are really an idiot!'

'Do you think.....'

'Why would you....'

'Tay.....do you think.....she is a police person?'

'Police! Wha....! I....'

'I don't know........I am just...... asking...'

My heart was beating really fast. Police!

'Big brother will kill me if......'

'Don't tell anyone about this. Just forget about it and next time.... please please please don't share anything with anyone okay?'

'Mn.'

New fell asleep quickly but I stayed awake the whole time.

Who came to visit him and why?

Police?

More reason to run away from this hellhole.