If I loved you

Being forgotten by someone you can't forget

I came back in a daze and started to climb up the ladder. I don't want this life anymore! New.....that wretched boy.....insulted me in every possible way. He made fun of my love for him. He refused to give me back my only possession. He made me question my sanity.

I went to stand near the ledge, determined to end my life when someone tugged at my shirt from behind.

New!

I quickly turned around and saw Phuong looking at me pitifully.

'Jumping from this height..... You won't die. But a leg injury is possible.' He grabbed my hand and took me to the kitchen.

'Tonight I am sharing kitchen duty. Have some rice first. You look awful.' He gave me a bowl full of warm rice.

'It's not like he was your only friend. You just didn't like to pay attention to the others. Open your eyes and see for yourself.' He gestured towards the door and I saw more than seven boys standing awkwardly.

'They are in your class. We sit together. But you always revolved around New so you didn't see them. From now on rely on us okay?'

They came inside and sat down around me.

'We know you miss New. But don't worry. We will stick together. I still remember how you helped me with my homework more than once.' One of the boys patted my back.

'Remember you let me play basketball even when the other boys were making fun of my muddy shoes?' Another one smiled softly.

Tears started to fall down from my eyes but they acted like it they didn't see anything and I was grateful for that.

One after another they started to recall things I almost forgot. Slowly my mood became stable.

'Next week some people are coming. Let's do our best okay?'

Phuong slept beside me in the hall that night and I fell asleep after some time with a heavy heart.

........................................

I was thankful to have those boys beside me. They helped me keep my heart beating. They ate with me, played with me, went to school with me. After 3 or 4 days I started to breathe again.

Next week came quickly and I met the world's best parents. Everything happened so fast that I couldn't believe my luck.

I was sitting under a tree near the storage room where once we spent a night planning our future. Tears started to pull in my eyes when a gentle hand touched my hair.

'Why are you sad darling?' The voice was gentle too.

I looked up and saw a pair of smiling eyes looking at me with concern. I suddenly felt overwhelmed. It was like that day when New caressed my cheek and asked why I was anxious.

Tears started to fall one after another and I cried silently. That gentle hand wrapped me in a warm hug and said,

'I didn't see you in the hall. Fortunately I came here to look around and found you.'

'I.....I....' I wanted to talk but couldn't do it.

'Shh. It's okay. Me and my husband came here to take my son home.'

'Who? Who ...is....your..son?'

Oh. So they are here to adopt children. I didn't go there because I was feeling sick of this whole process.

'Ummmm....that depends....Do you mind...if I choose you?'

Huh?

I looked at her face properly. A lady in her forties. She was beautiful like an angel and her skin was smooth as satin and fair as snow.

'Me?'

'Mn. Are you willing to come with us. We have no children and truth to be told I am not very good with little ones. So we decided to bring home a boy who is not a toddler. When I saw you sitting here.....I felt ....a connection. What's your name son?'

'Tay.'

'Tay? Ah! What a nice name. My name is Jalita Sapathong. Nice to meet you Tay.'

I kept staring at her face feeling utterly bewildered.

'Tay? Will you be my son?'

I don't know what came upon me but I slowly nodded my head. Except for New no one ever talked to me this gently.

Her face lit up and she hugged me again.

'Honey? What are you doing here? I was looking for you everywhere!' Suddenly I heard a male voice.

'I was talking to my son.'

'Huh? Son? Really?'

'Yeah. Come meet Tay. Tay, this is your pa. Chintana Sapathong.'

I looked at him and saw nothing but happiness in his eyes. He happily hugged me and accepted his wife's decision.

'But Tay, there's only one thing. We are not from here. We live in USA and after adopting you we need to fly back there. Is it okay with you?'

At that time I hated New very much so without hesitation I left the country and settled down in a new place.

New place, new friends, I started to like my life very much. Everyone was good to me and my parents unconditional love made me a stronger person.

But with time my hate for New started to fade away and what remains was pure love. I forgave his betrayal and kept him in my heart securely.

Then one day when I was in college, I met Ann. She was in my economics class and was a brilliant student. Teacher asked her to give me assistant because I was struggling with this particular paper. We became friends. She started to come to my house and pa and ma liked her very much.

One day she confessed to me. I politely declined saying that I already have someone in my heart but she didn't believe that. After all she didn't see me took interest in anyone. So she thought I was trying to just avoid her. She asked me to give her a chance and ma and pa accidentally heard this. Pa happily gave her his blessings and things became complicated.

I told her many times that it's impossible between us but she never listened.

So, she thinks she is my girlfriend but......I don't accept that.

She didn't mind so I didn't say much. After all I clearly stated my heart. It's her choice to believe me or not. I am incapable of loving her and she knows that.

I only love New. In the past, in the present and in the future. What New did to me was wrong. But now after so many years I know his real intention.

I always kept an eye on the situation back home. Red dragon group, Wachanit family..... specially any news about New Wachanit. I saw back then how much he wanted to be on the spot light. He wanted to live his life to the fullest but to my surprise he stayed very low key. A few pictures, fewer interviews, it's like he wanted to keep everything hidden.

Then one day at age of 20, when he became the vice president of Red Dragon group I saw his full picture. Amidst many leaders and high profile people he was shining like a pearl. But his demeanor had totally changed. He had clearly been a bright, high spirited boy. His eyes were always gentle and lips had always retained the hint of a soft smile yet now his eyes were sharp and cold, lips were missing his usual smile and whole face devoid of any emotions. I was shocked to see him like that.

Luke was there too. He was standing behind him and watching the crowd with rapt attention. He is New's right hand man. That's what the article said.

It was 3 years ago and I started to gather more and more information about New. Papers, articles, web news, I started to follow everything. But it's all superficial information. I don't know anything about his personal life or his work life. He became as mysterious as his family.