Love Lives Forever

Chapter 58: '95

September 7th, 1995
1:00 pm
Alana POV

You can't deny what I'm feeling is real
And I stood around, stood by your side
(Stood by your side)
Went through all the hurt and pain
And you turned and walked away

I continued my rehearsal for the 1995 MTV Video Music Awards, trying to make sure everything was perfect. This was probably going to be my last performance (probably not fucking with Jailee) so I have to kill it. I quickly went through the last song then headed back stage. It was hectic, but that was to be expected. I went into my dressing room & Jailee was in there looking at my outfit for the performance tonight. Then she looked up at me all teary-eyed. Oh brother.

She had been emotional since I told her I didn't want to sing anymore. I just didn't have the passion before it like when I was younger. I rather do the behind-the-scenes stuff like help write & produce.

And I got that dream to come true November of last year.

I know run my own record company called Tempest Records. Nice name huh? I know it is. I spent some time thinking about that name. Anyways, Epic & Columbia distributes my label. So far, it's been going good. I only have 9 artists but that's actually decent. I get to work with them closely & mentor them, helping them with their music.

One of my favorites to work with is Mariah Carey. That girl got the damn voice. And she's actually good with writing songs. One of her songs, Fantasy, is being released in a few days then her album is released next month. I'm so excited & it's not even me. I laughed to myself then I sighed. I'm going to miss recording albums.

I snapped back to life when I looked at Jailee.

"So this is really it huh?" Jailee asked sniffling. I rolled my eyes playfully trying to hold back tears.

"Stop crying before you make me cry."

"I'm sorry it's just," She sniffled. "You've been my client for like 20 or more years. it's just so hard to let go." I rolled my eyes playfully again.

"Girl shut up. You crying like you'll never see me again. You still my modeling agent." She abruptly stopped crying.

"You're right." I rolled my eyes & walked over to my outfit for tonight's performance. "So you talked to your husband?" I cringed & turned to Jailee, who was trying to stifle a laugh.

"You not funny. You know I don't talk to that man."

"I think his misses you."

"I don't give a fuck if he does."

"Rumor has it that 'You Are Not Alone' is about you," She said in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes. I fucking hated talking about him.

"It's not."

"It is," She sung again.

"No its not. I know for a fact," I said turning around. She raised her eyebrow folding her arms.

"Prove it then."

"One, if it was about me, he wouldn't have had that bitch frolicking around in the video knowing damn well I hate her, and him." This made Jailee laugh. "And two- girl shut up it ain't funny." She stopped. "Two, Janet told me that R. Kelly wrote the song."

"R. Kelly?" I nodded. "Well that's disappointing." I snickered, rolling my eyes at her playfully. "Anyways, back to you and Michael-"

"There is no me & Michael. Me & Michael have been done since January 1st, 1994, okay? So please stop bringing him up. I'm tired of hearing about him, okay?" She nodded. "Thank you."

*

3:17 pm

Don't go chasing waterfalls
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all
But I think you're moving too fast

The song went off & instantly another one came on. But guess who it was? Of course it was Michael's. I growled & cut off the radio walking over to the tv. I turned it on & it was on MTV. It was a commercial for the awards tonight. They mentioned me & I did a little dance before getting completely blown when they said Michael's name right after. I rolled my eyes to the heavens & cut off the tv.

"I can't never go a day without hearing about or seeing him. God why do you do this?" I groaned. Then I got up from the couch & went into the kitchen grabbed a water bottle. I sat on counter & sighed. It's been almost two years since the separation & I still haven't filed for divorce. Why? Cause I still love him & miss him like crazy. I still have hope that he'll come back. I don't know why I hope this. He hurt me more than anybody else did.

My father was a deadbeat, still didn't hurt worse than this.

Jeremiah cheated & beat on me, still didn't hurt worse than this.

My mom & brother died, still didn't hurt worse than this.

My baby died, still- actually yeah that still hurts worse than this but you get my point.

I remember when he said that he wanted to separate. That was a stab in my heart. We went through all that shit (keep in mind I lost our mutherfucking baby not even 3 months before) and he wanted to separate. Talking about he love me but we need space. I gave him his space alright. I left soon after he told me. I said 'okay' & walked away. I packed me & Angel's things then I left. And I haven't said a damn word to him since. And I mean not a damn word. I've barely been 10 feet near him since then.

If I gotta tell him something about Angel, i'll tell Mama Kat, Taty, or Janet to do it. Yeah i'm being petty, I could care less. He's lucky he got my phone number. Only reason he has it is because of Angel.

Speaking of Angel, my poor baby been going through it. She's confused why her mommy & daddy don't live or talk anymore. I feel so bad for her. I know how it is not to have to parents in the house hold & I really didn't want her to go through that. But Michael wanted this, so he got it.

I think he wanted to separate because he wanted to be with Elvis Jr- I mean Lisa Marie. Because a few months after we separated, she moved right the hell in, which hurt me more. But whatever. Can't be mad if he's happy with somebody else. That's what you want the person you love to have. You want the person you love to be happy, even if it's not with you, right?

I sighed & waved away those thoughts. I already have to watch him perform & probably when a couple of awards tonight. Don't need to be constantly thinking about him.

I just hope it doesn't be like last year, when him & Lisa shared that awkward ass kiss.

It probably won't be like that. I actually got a feeling that it'll be much different.

And that night I was proved right.

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Filler chapter. Just wanted to inform yall on what's been happening with Alana since Michael told her he wanted to separate.

Food, MJ, Love

Lovelyn