Fly Until You See The Light

Eden (2) - Chapter 7

«Wait, so you're telling me that you'll have to go soon?» Joyz asks him with a concerned look.

He answers:«I will have to, and...». He doesn't continue his sentence. He doesn't know what to feel about being not much distant from the day he'll become an Elder. He'll have to throw everything he learned from his family into a hole of nothingness, but he'll have the chance to end the life of the Ruler who made his love disappear. Sentinekka deserves revenge.

«... And?» Joyz asks him, worried. He'd love to know what Ojtaro wanted to say, but being a future Elder also means to keep every bad feeling hidden inside... No, not every bad feeling. Every feeling in general.

«Forget it, it doesn't matter» Ojtaro concludes with a colder tone.

Joyz looks at him in silence. He's waiting for some words, for a sentence, but it won't come out. The only people whom Ojtaro told his problems and feelings were Horand and Sentinekka; he won't say nothing to anyone else.

«You've waited for something that never came, isn't it?» the boy who was always so shy and an outcast asks after a while. «For the freedom... And you don't know how to live without it».

«What?» Ojtaro asks him with a curious face. «I've never said that».

«I noticed it in your behavior... You weren't used to love. You are only now».

«I don't think that I'm lucky. When I started to feel something more than just friendship, I lost my occasion to be free. Again...».

«People asked you how you see the world, sometimes. I know they did».

«You guessed right. Why do you say it?».

«Did they ever ask you how you see yourself?».

«They didn't...» Ojtaro thinks for a bit. «Sentinekka always told me that I wasn't dangerous thought. And Horand once asked me when I was going to see myself as my family does. I've never wanted to know my opinion about myself. I've never felt much wrong or right. Just me» he then explains without problems. He's opening himself to someone who he once thought that was a backstabber.

«Then how do you see yourself?» Joyz asks him. Is he trying to...?

«Why would you help me?» Ojtaro asks him with a tired expression.

Joyz answers his question:«Your brother Horand helped me and, after everything he did, he told me to talk with who needed help. And here you are. You can't tell me that you are feeling alright after what happened to Sentinekka and after your coronation was anticipated».

«Damn...» he comments. After some seconds of pure silence, the sound he liked the most after Sentinekka's beautiful voice, he finally says:«I see myself as someone who shouldn't really exist, except for the fact that I was created to bring the Light back to the Kingdom». He lowers his gaze and waits for a valid answer that could change his mind.

«And why do you think that?».

«My real parents left me in a temple the same day I was born. The Elders always told me that they did not want me».

«And it feels terrible, doesn't it...?».

«As being stabbed in the stomach with the spears from every war of our history».

That conversation is giving him horrible sensations. He really feels like he is a mistake and doesn't know how to stop that thing. And he's starting to think that Joyz can't help him. No one can, because no one had to deal with what he saw.

Joyz is going to add something else, but he gets interrupted by Horand, who immediately enters the room and, after looking in a kinda shocked way at his brother and Joyz, he tells Ojtaro to come. He probably can't believe that Ojtaro was giving a chance to Joyz, but he has something important to say.