IMP's Chick Magnet (Helluva Boss Waifus x Male Reader)

Aftermath (18+)

A/N: Credit to Renowned-Wolf for helping with a few things.

The early morning after the events of "Apology Tour"

You walk through the halls of Lucifer's Asylum for the Criminally Insane, letting out a huge yawn as you rub your eyes with one hand and hold a cup of coffee with the other. 

As you walk, you hear the usual ruckus of the inmates; random screaming, sobs, and maniacal laughter. 

You walk to a locked automatic door, perform a retina scan, and place your hand on a scanner.

Door: Identity confirmed. Welcome, Y/N L/N. 

The door slides open and you walk towards the Legion's cell. 

As you approach, Collin is once again playing the Harmonica.

Stella: Will you STOP THA-

Collin throws the Harmonica at her.

Stella: Ow!

Mammon: (smug) Well, well, well. Look what the dog dragged in.

Y/N: Oh, put a sock in it, Mr. Stay-Puft. I'm only here because I got woken up by a phone call that you scumbags were yelling all night that you wanted to talk to me. (Checks time) It's 5:30 in the goddamn morning, you couldn't wait until after Breakfast?

You pull up a chair outside the cell and sit in it backwards.

Y/N: So, what's all this about?

Andrealphus: You can't just lock Stella and I up like we're common criminals! We're Goetias!

Y/N: Oh, right, you were unconscious when this happened. (sips coffee) I revoked your titles.

Stella and Andrealphus: WHAT?!?!

Y/N: Yep. I said "you're not royalty anymore", and Charlie and Lucifer were all "Excellent argument! Approved!". 

Andrealphus sighs and slumps against the bars while Stella splutters in an indignant manner. 

Andrealphus: (glaring) You're used to this, aren't you? Ruining others lives?

Y/N: If by (mocking Andrealphus' accent) "Ruining others' lives" (regular) You mean, making sure that assholes like you can't hurt anyone else, then bingo! And now that all of you are locked up, I can finally get all of this off my chest. 

(clears throat) Vox, you're nothing but an egocentric man-child who can't stand that Alastra is better than you.

Vox: (buffering in anger) She is n-n-n-n-n-otttt, yooouuuu fluffy p-p-p-r-r-rick!

You turn to The Glam sisters, Vicki's Posse, and Katie.

Y/N: You all are just power-hungry idiots who think you're more important than you actually are.

Katie: At least I don't shack up with a bunch of lesbians!

Y/N: Ok, first off, you homophobic bitch; most of them are bisexual or pansexual.

Katie: Yeah. Lesbians. 

Y/N: Oh, for fuck's sake! 

You turn to Cletus and Collin.

Y/N: You're a literal manbaby and sheep who can't form his own opinion on anything and blindly follows others.

You turn to Vengeance, Stella, Andrealphus, Valentino, Crimson, and Mammon.