Marvel Oneshots And Crack

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I am starting a series called Breathtaking Anger Management Issues, all about Thor's anger issues lol. TW misogynistic language and self harm. Also implied older woman doing things with Thor when he's still pretty young, and hickies. 

Thor POV || BEFORE THOR'S CORONATION

"AAAAAAAAAGH!"

I slam myself into my bedroom, slapping myself over and over again. Struggling to breathe, I pace back and forth. When it gets too much to bear, too painful, too much lightning in my veins, I scream. With a thrust of my arm, I throw Mjolnir at the wall.

When my room is properly destroyed, I laugh derisively and sink onto my bed, curling in a ball, hitting myself over and over. 

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Loki POV

I hold Sleipnir in a baby sling made specially for all his legs as I tend to the garden with Mother. I'm not allowed to do any sparring or too much magic yet, being postpartum. 

"Do be careful with those carnivorous roses, Loki." Mother instructs. 

I step out of the way of a bush of hissing red roses. "Thank you, Mother."

"Of course, dear. Can you water that sunflower? I am not tall enough."

I water a very tall sunflower, knocking off birds. "I wonder if Thor has woken up yet."

Mother frowns. "I am sure his servants would have alerted us."

I uneasily wring my hands. "Is...is Thor acting...strangely?"

She pauses in clipping leaves off of peonies, sighing and shaking her head. "It is hard to tell with him. He seems to be drinking heavily...and disappearing to do who knows what. He's simply going through a phase..."

We both finish gardening in silence, occasionally singing and laughing together. 

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Thor POV

The faucet finally runs clear. 

My face drips water as I slowly raise my head to look at myself in the mirror. I hear whispering in the back of my head, and I groan. "Who are you? I can't understand what you say."

"Well, you whore, what do you have to say for yourself? You shacked up with a married woman!"

I clench my fists. "I'm not a whore."

"Yes you are, you horrid excuse for a boy. That's what you are, just a silly boy pretending to be mature."

My hand plunges into the mirror, and the pain registers much too late. I see my own cracked reflection, and I look at myself in fear, relieved when I am not as fragmented as I feel. The blood cascading out of my hands oddly soothes me. 

Without even looking, I summon Mjolnir, and with one swing, destroy my mirror completely. Glass explodes everywhere, all over me, all over the counter, on the floor, embedded in the walls. Laughing, I sink to the floor. It's then I see the blood on Mjolnir's handle, and I rock on my heels. "I'm mad. I'm truly mad."

It's then I remember the servants, and I feel panic building as I imagine trying to explain this away. I hurry to sweep up the glass with a towel, feeling shards sink into my feet. 

When I've deemed it clean enough, I sigh in relief and retreat to my room, just as my belly grumbles in hunger. I turn around after encasing my hands in soft gloves, grabbing Mjolnir. 

As I walk down the hallways, I'm keeping my head to the ground, knowing I'm going to make eye contact with a very particular guard, and think irrevocably of the things I did with his wife. 

"Thor, you're going to hate me when I tell you this."

"Marie, you're scaring me."

"Thor..."

"Is that...is that...why didn't you tell me?"

"Thor!"

Fandral grabs me from the side, and his fingers brush a sensitive, bruised spot on my shoulder, where her lips landed and her teeth stayed. I hiss, but he doesn't notice, laughing. "Honestly, my friend, just tell us who it is that has been stealing you away from us!"

Sif comes up, grinning. "Come on, Thor. Who's the lucky lady?"

"You're too young for me."

I don't even realize I've begun to make it thunder and lightning is dancing around my hands until I feel the familiar tingle. "There is no lucky lady, now get off my fucking back. I only came out to eat breakfast."

Fandral steps back, looking taken aback and insulted. Sif crosses her arms. "Fandral, leave him be. Mjolnir has bloodstains, clearly he is no mood to be trifled with."

Oh-

I lift my hammer. Sure enough, blood is smeared all over the handle and the rectangular part of the weapon. "I..."

When my words fail, I brush past them, head back down, my face burning. 

"And for the record, Thor, it's lunchtime. You slept half the day!" Sif yells. 

Halfheartedly, I wave before shoving my hands into my pockets. 

Lunch tastes like sawdust. I make myself eat anyway, knowing how much worse my mood will be if I do not eat. Sure enough the minute I've shoved a slightly unhealthy amount of food into my mouth as usual, and my shirt is uncomfortably tight around my middle, I feel so much better. 

So much better in fact, that I find Fandral and Sif sparring, and bounce over, slapping both of them on the backs. They yelp, and then laugh in relief at seeing me laugh. 

Sif eyes me a bit too long, lingering on my gloved hands. "Good to see you not in a murderous mood, Thor."

I scoff. "I wasn't murderous."

Fandral doesn't have his usual humor as he simply shakes his head at me, and it makes me nervous. I don't get nervous. And yet...I also don't normally have sex with a married woman. 

Anyway. 

I set Mjolnir down on the ground, grabbing a spear. "Let's get going."

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"Brother, you're bleeding."

I laugh as I chug mead at dinner. "Indeed I am, Loki! Twas quite a fun time sparring!"

Loki doesn't look very amused this time. He's been acting so serious since he had Sleipnir...understandably. "No, I don't mean your face. Your hands. You're getting blood on your silverware."

I look down, seeing blood smeared on my mug, my spoon and fork, and to my horror, on the light yellow of Fandral's robes is a bloody handprint, exactly my size. 

"Brother...I don't give a shit what you did to your hands. But it's clear you're hiding it." Loki says sharply. 

Said hands begin to shake, and I quickly hide them under the table. "It's...it's n-nothing."

Sleipnir begins to fuss, and all attention on me is forgotten as Loki coos to the baby horse. I puff out my cheeks and exhale in relief.