Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Beauty and the Brat

Contains spoilers for the entire LOKI show.

❤️Loki's pronouns are they/them and vey/vem ❤️

Contains adult themes.
Loki and Sylvie are bored on Lamentis-1. Someone leaves cookies out on the table, and a drunk Loki wants to eat them all. Sylvie is teasing them and realizing, for such a god who tries to act grown up, vey really are a five year old in an adult's body. Also Loki is non binary here so yeet.

Sylvie POV

"You're drunk."

"No, I'm just full. Bear in mind, I'm very full."

Same fuckin thing, you idiot.

Loki sways on their feet, eyes crossing. Their hand waves about, landing on a plate of cookies. Veir eyes widen. "Oh! You've got to try these. They're delicious."

I sniff. "No thank you."

Vey shrug, shoving one whole cookie right in his mouth. "Are you sure? Alright. More for me then."

Disgusted that vey apparently don't care about our time sensitive mission, I turn away from them. "I saw some people looking at you weirdly."

Vey teeter on veir feet, dropping a cookie on the floor. Their face turns sad. "Such a shame to let it go to waste."

Oh for fuck's sakes. "Please don't tell me you'll eat a cookie off of the floor."

I roll my eyes, not even surprised when they hungrily snatch two more cookies. "Greedy much?"

A grumpy pout takes over veir face and vey suddenly look like an enormous five year old. "They're just good!"

Trying to resist a smirk, I push vem a little. "You're really just going to eat the whole thing?"

Loki enthusiastically nods, fiddling with their collar that they just had to wear sticking up. "The TVA is terribly lackluster in terms of sweets! They have salads and juice boxes and those weird chewy sticks. They don't have grapes or nuts or anything good."

Pfft. I mean, vey're not wrong. But did they just admit to not knowing what chewing gum is? "Those weird chewy sticks are chewing gum, you dolt."

Loki wrinkles their nose. "So what? You just....chew on them? Like that one kind of tree bark?"

I raise an eyebrow. "You chew on tree bark?"

Vey shrug, eating another cookie. "I had to eat something when I was shape shifting as animals. Once I was a rabbit for a week and because I was still new to magic, I got stuck acting like a rabbit. Thus, I craved grass and tree bark for a year. That was quite a time..."

I raise my eyebrows. "Oh. Indeed."