Marvel Oneshots And Crack

⚠️mugs of mead

Doing the mcnasty with a person Thor didn't know still has consequences. Contains mpreg and a miscarriage. TW for Marie violating Thor's consent, victim blaming, lots of blood.

Thor POV ||three months later

One morning, I wake up nauseated, once again, after sneaking back at midnight from being with another woman, a mousy haired broad with very strong shoulders and a thick Vanir accent.

When I wipe my mouth off and pull on a dress shirt Loki gave me, it stops at my stomach.

Curious and also horrified, I turn from side to side. No...I'm not imagining it. But why is it only going to my stomach? Unless....

I calculate how many days it's been, and a horrible truth dawns on me. Never have I been more screwed over by the fact that I'm the God of Fertility.

There's a knock on the door, Loki's special handshake. I open the door, hoping to the Norns that-

Loki pokes my tummy, smirking. "Too many second helpings, brother."

I grumble, "No, I'm just very constipated."

"Clearly." Loki is snickering.  

I glare at him and snap, "Have you nothing better to do?"

With that, I slam myself into my bedroom.

Am hour later, I'm filled with energy, and I'm ravenous. I skip down to the great hall, sliding in next to Fandral and Loki.

"Well, your mood did a complete 180." Loki comments, eyebrow raised.

I laugh, a bit too hard. "I feel great!"

After making my stomach hurt with how much I cram on my mouth, I skip off to the training area to spar.

I'm in the middle of sparring with Sif when her dull spear whacks my belly, and I gasp, dropping my spear. Something fierce overtakes me, and the next thing I know, Volstagg has seized my weapon in his hands, disbelief on his face.

"You'll hurt her!" He cries. "What is wrong with you?'

I swallow nervously. "I...."

Sif steps back up. "You looked as if you were possessed by a wild animal."

I shakily sit down on a bench. "I...I don't know what came over me, my friends."

They both sit by me, Volstagg holding my shoulder. "It looked as if whatever it was, Sif triggered it by hitting you in the stomach."

They both look worried. Sif touches my shoulder. "Thor, does it hurt?"

I shake my head. "Not really. I'm just, um...constipated."

I say the last word quietly, my face burning. Volstagg snickers. "Well, that explains a lot."

I cross my arms. "And you find my suffering amusing?"

Sif pats my back. "No, no, Thor. I'm sorry. Are you hungry?"

I get to my feet. "Starving."

"Thor 101, distract him with food." Volstagg jokes.

I scoff. "Listen well, I am not distracted easily. Wait a moment, is that venison?"

All else is driven from my mind as we head into the Great Hall. I hurry to pile roasted meat on my plate, my stomach rumbling.

Three plates later, I'm feeling rather sleepy. I lean my head on my hand, my eyes closing.

"Are you ill, my friend?" Fandral asks, looking amused and concerned.