Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Loser

This features use of LSD.
Thor does an oopsie and Odin sends him to Midgard as a mortal, just like some of the comics. Only change? It's the 90s and Odin is sending Thor to a group of eccentric LSD-happy hippies in New Mexico. Loki decides to pay Thor a visit on a break from wreaking intergalactic chaos. What happens when a depowered god of thunder gets ahold of LSD?

Characters:
Loki
Thor
Sebbie: someone Thor was staying with in a tent. However this person may not be real.

Thor POV
1994

"Brother... it's rude to be resting when guests are present."

I smile in my half asleep drug-induced stupor. "Sebbie? Is that you?"

"No, you dolt, it's me! Loki."

Loki? Loki who? I sit up on my sleeping bag, rubbing my eyes. Loki is standing in our large tent in all his leather-clad glory. His face wrinkles at seeing the small space. "You are too royal for such quarters!"

Chuckling, I sit up, swaying in place as I try to stay upright. Loki extends a hand, sighing deeply as I grab onto him to stay on my feet. "Brother, are you intoxicated?"

That's a good question. Am I? "I'll get back to you on that."

The floor is moving in waves below me. Ohhh. So I am intoxicated.

I look with wide eyes at Loki's face. Why does his face look like it's melting?! "Loki....your face..."

"Brother, have you been poisoned?! You're coming with me."

I try to break free from his grip, stumbling on the ground below me moving like ocean waves. "I must say goodbye to my friends first, Loki."

"They don't appear to be here at the moment unless they managed to hide from the God of Mischief. Hey! Thor, where are you-"

I break away from him, stumbling away. The camp fire is lit. It needs to go out. Go out like a candle. I need to put the fire away.

I kneel before the fire, shaky hands outstretched for the fire. I've almost got it. Almost.

"Thor?...."

The flames glow blue when I plunge my hands in. It's so cold. So, so, so cold. I'm freezing. I'm so cold.

Soy un perdador, I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me...

I'm being grabbed. Am I surrounded by light? Why is the car going so fast?

The whooshing stops, and suddenly, I'm falling flat on my face. I'm holding something in my hands. Designs weave in front of my eyes. They're so beautiful. I can only hope to replicate them.

Is someone touching my face? Is something on my head? It's cold. It's cold. It's cold.

Oh.

Oh no.

There's an old man in front of me. Wait. I recognize him. Heimdall.

He's holding my shoulder. I can't see his face. It's overgrown by hair.

"Thank the Norns, you brought him back."

"Heimdall, I believe Eir must see to him...."

I recognize this place, don't I? The Bifröst... that's right....so it wasn't a car?...

Heimdall is holding my shoulder, propping my chin up so I must look at him. I smile. "Hej, Heimdall."

"I see, Loki. I watched Thor down there. Let me simply say he just needs a long rest in the infirmary and he'll take the rest from there."

Heimdall's voice is suddenly as a big as a house. He has...he has multiple eyes. I hunch in on myself, slapping hands over my ears.

A train is whistling by, an oddly silent bullet train. Why is it going so slow? Where am I again?

"Thor?..."

"What is he mumbling to himself?.."

"Sif and Volstagg! I apologize but this isn't the best time-"

Someone throws themselves on me, two someones in fact.

I can't move. I'm trapped. Just like the planets in motion, endlessly orbiting around the sun. One infinite elliptical, no painless end in sight. The sun will explode, and bleed all over the Earth, which is slowly disintegrating from the inside like a decaying clementine.

My head is such a mess, a mess of radioactive string on a spinning wheel, charged by lightning in front of a window showing a bloodred sky. The string, the goddamn string, where did it go?! I can't find it!

"Loki, what is wrong with-"

A red string, it escaped from the spinning wheel, now it's a snake, a thin red worm, bright red skin laced with poison and steaming on a plate and I'm tied up holding a fork.

Red string is everywhere. I can hear the sun collapsing. Armageddon, just like Sebbie talked about so feverishly, is coming. Ragnarok and Armageddon, they're coming. They're here.

"Armageddon?! Is he speaking in tongues?!"

They all have plastic faces. Plastic that's going to melt off and fall to the ground and never decompose and kill turtles when they swim to it after the oceans rise.

"Lay down or I'll transform into a snake."

I stare at Loki, whose face is covered in flowers. "Flowers...your....your face..."

Eir rests her hand on my head, and then laughs humorlessly. “You need not worry. All Thor needs is rest...and when he recovers, a good slap up the side of his head.”

“I don’t understand…”

“He was intoxicated, very much so. Mortals like using certain substances that make them hallucinate. Looks like Thor got a hold of some.”

“Why would mortals do that?”

“This is exactly why Father shouldn’t have sent that big oaf to Earth!”

“Now, now, Loki, you know your father had his reasons.”

I can't stay in here! Armageddon is coming! Ragnarok is coming!

My entire body is frozen. Why can't I move?

I'm so sleepy...

So.....

....sleepy....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beep-beep-beep! Beep-beep-beep!

When I'm women up by my pager, I think I'm still in West Virginia, sleeping in a tent under trees, mosquito netting protecting me from ticks and chiggers.

I sit up on an elbow, immediately searching with a fumbling hand for a toothpick to stick in my mouth. My fingers land on my beeping pager. I press various buttons until my page plays.

"Hey, T. This is Sebbie. Please if this gets to the right person, if this is you, T, please, let us know you're alive. We found River. He ODed. I've got awful news, bud. I... I've got AIDs, just like Key did. I left last night while you were high off your ass on purpose. I'm sorry...I just had to do it. I'll miss ya, buddy." There's a sigh that sends a quiet despair through me. "Bye, T, if this is you. Take care."

I scramble to my feet, looking for my shoes. After locating them by the door and finding my travel sack on top of my armoire, I head out of my bedroom. I have to find Sebbie. I have to go back to Earth.

The minute I see Mother and Father, I accost them. "I must speak to you."

Publishing this now because I'm tired of it being a draft lol