Marvel Oneshots And Crack

2013 Loki Meets Endgame Thor

Yeet. This will be a sad one. No yeeting me, lol.

Loki POV

"Thor, we're on a time crunch! Oh for God's sakes."

"Loki! Loki!"

Volstagg is somehow in my cell. Wait, not Volstagg. Is that...Thor?!

Thor shuffles over, walking like it's difficult for him. His hair is unkempt, and his beard is long enough to be braided.

I hardly recognize my own brother. "Thor?! What happened to you?! You...you look like Volstagg!"

He seems to be very anxious to see me. I've never seen Thor so bashful, especially around me. He trips over something and jumps, hiding his face in his clothes. Speaking of those...clothes...

Clearing my throat, I sit up on my bed. "What are you wearing? And...good Norns, you reek of alcohol!"

My blonde brother uncovers his face and begins fidgeting with his clothing. "Oh, these? They're comfortable, I wear them all the time. Ehm. Yeah."

He smiles at me awkwardly. I suspiciously grab a sharp utensil left over from lunch. This Thor is giving me weird vibes. "Who are you, really? You're not the same Thor I know."

His breathing picks up speed and volume. "L-Loki, I-I promise it's m-me. It's m-me. I'm your brother. I think I need to leave. The rabbit is getting aether from Jane, she's my ex now. I have no one-"

My paranoia turns into something else as I get to my feet and tentatively walk towards Thor, who is fully panicking now. "Have you been poisoned?! What is going on?! Do I need to call the guards?!"

Thor shakes his head, frantically pacing. "No, no, brother, I'm just having a panic attack."

I jump back onto my bed, curling up in fear and distrust. "What the bloody Norns is that?!"

Thor doesn't respond, because he is struggling to breathe. I rush over, feeling myself beginning to panic too. "What do you do when such attacks happen?! Is someo-is it-are you?!-"

Thor sits on the floor, head buried in his hair and quivering hands. "Loki, just....stop...almost over....heart attack...need a drink..."

I knock over various belongings as I look for a glass of water. I find the one on my nightstand and cautiously set it near him before scurrying away.

"Brother..."

I spin around on my heel. "You're not my brother!"

Thor stumbles to his feet and shuffles over, roughly gripping my shoulder. Even while drunk, he's stronger than me. "Don't ever say that again, Loki. I don't care about you being a frost giant. You're still my brother."

He turns around to hide his streaming eyes. "Farewell, Loki."

I snatch my sharp utensil once again, stomping over. Thor jumps when I stab him, right in the side.

He turns around and throws a crinkly bag of something in my face. He sees my sharp utensil broken on the floor and bursts into uncontrollable laughter. "A toothpick?! You stabbed me with a toothpick?!"

I cross my arms, mouth twitching. "They won't allow me the use of knives!"

He has to lean on the wall, he's laughing so hard. It's a little frightening. "Are you on laughing vapor?"

He slowly regains his composure. "No, no, it's just very surreal seeing you after what happened. I mean what happened in the future. Wait, I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Shit. Oh well. Damage is done."

I gasp. "I knew it! You're Thor from the future! Oh... what happened?"

A rabbit runs into the room, standing on its hind legs. "Thor, we need to head out if you still wanna talk to your momma."

I stare at the creature, quite intrigued. "Did that rabbit just talk?"

The rabbit seems offended. "Hey! Only Thor can call me Rabbit. Ever seen a raccoon before? That's me. I prefer Rocket, by the way. Geez, it runs in the family?"

I cross my arms, offended now too. "I'll call you a rabbit if I want to! And it doesn't because I'm adopted!"

The Rabbit ™ rolls his eyes. "Oh, now it makes sense. So you're the emo sibling."

Thor gives Rabbit ™ a look. "Don't piss my brother off, he's armed with toothpicks. I'm sorry, Loki, I must go. Take care of yourself, please. I mean it."

Thor exits with The Rabbit ™, leaving me to question life.