Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Jotunns Can't Handle Heat

Thor and Loki go exploring and end up in a desert. Thor takes the heat well, while Loki comes down with heatstroke after hitting his head.
Oh yeah. Loki somehow became a communist too.

Thor POV

We stumble through the desert with an equally hellish hangover from a wild night in Vanaheim, wiping sweat off our foreheads. Loki keeps up a steady, endless stream of chatter. Never underestimate his deep love for hearing himself talk.

"....so anyway, that's my take on the Communist Manifesto and how it relates to the Nine Realms. What do you think of this concept called Communism? I think we should implement it on Asgard!"

Sighing silently to myself, I don't even bother turning around to know my brother is happily skipping and rambling on about gods knows what. "Very illuminating!"

"I knew you'd agree! Thor... it's rather hot... I do feel ill."

I turn around to look at my brother, big brother instincts instantly kicking in when I see how red his skin is.

"Loki? Are you overheating?"

He doesn't respond. His eyes can't even focus on mine. "I must be very hungover. And here I thought I was immune to alcohol..."

His eyes are glazed and his face looks perplexed, like he's unsure of where he is. I hope that's not the case.

I step closer to my brother, holding up three fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

His eyes swim, his head swaying on his neck like a drunk. When he speaks, he sounds almost like a pouty child. "Uh...nine? It's too hot for counting lessons, Thor!"

I guide him along, hands on his shoulders, trying to ignore how much it's scaring me that he can't even focus on anything.

"Let's just get you home, Loki..."

"I'm gonna lay down..."

I'm about to drag him off of a pile of flour sacks when I realize I should probably let him lay down. "Alright, Loki. Do you want me to carry you afterwards?"

"I can handle myself!"

Okay then. "Yes, because you're doing so well by yourself, aren't you?"

"Don't you dare mock me, brother!"

I mimic him, "Don't you dare mock me brother!"

I'm truly concerned for Loki when he doesn't stab me. That's how I know he's not okay. "Alright, I'm calling Heimdall."

Loki flails dramatically on the flour sacks. "Noooo! Don't call him!"

I lift him into my arms and flip him over my shoulder, my heart rate spiking when I feel how floppy his body is.

"Do we have any more beer? I'm terribly thirsty. What kind of society doesn't have free water for everyone? We must implement communism. Bread for everyone!"

Sighing through my teeth, I plod through the streets, speeding up when I spot a Vanir healer. I address him as politely as I can in the Vanir language, gesturing to Loki. I try to ignore that my shoulder is beginning to feel my brother's full weight of 530 lbs.

"He is overheating, look, his skin is red. And he seems confused and delirious, what do I-"

"Thor and Loki, I take it? I do owe you two youngsters for saving me that one time. Do come in! He looks awful ill."

I lay Loki in the healer's patient room, my joints yelling in relief at the release of weight. My throat threatens to close in panic when Loki whimpers, fists clenched. A second later, a candle on the bedside table next to us is blown out. A minute later, the entire table is crushed to smithereens by an invisible force.

Horrified, I turn to the healer, who watches with only amusement and curiosity. "Ah, yes. I was told one of you is very proficient in magic, perhaps to a detriment."

The pictures on the walls are next. They fall straight from their nails, crashing onto the floor in piles of wood and glass. Loki watches with wide eyes, whimpering under his breath. He grabs a glass of water that the healer offers to him, promptly pouring it over his head.

The healer sighs, chuckling as Loki wrinkles his nose at how wet his clothing is. "Right, Loki, I'm going to lower the temperature in this room, and give you a cold compress and a potion to regulate your body temperature."

Loki nods, looking thoroughly miserable. When he has drank the potion and a cold washcloth is on his forehead, he dozes off. 

When Loki wakes up, I'm tossing Mjolnir up and down. I grin in relief. "Brother! you're awake! Oh...erm...doctor, is his skin supposed to be so cold?"

Loki gasps, looking in fear at himself. I pat his arm, wincing when my fingers sting. "Brother, whatever magic this is..."

He shakes his head. "This isn't me."

The healer comes over, running diagnostic spells. "He has cooled down significantly. But he should stay overnight, he is unusually sensitive to heat."