Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Monster Drinks and Dwarves

Inspired by Loki the show lol. Also inspired by a fanfiction.

In this one, Loki doesn't go back to Asgard and instead stays in the US on a condition that he works for SHIELD. In this one Loki is about to find out what five consecutive Monster energy drinks do to his body.

Loki POV

"This tastes like... Mother's cough medicine got mixed with weak beer. I cannot finish it."

I snatch the can from Thor's hand, suspiciously eyeing it for hidden tricks before slowly drinking the beverage. The can is very cold and slightly wet. I like things that are cold. I wrap my fingers around it, surprisingly enjoying it. "What is this concoction?"

"I thought you'd hate it. It's called Monster? I suppose the name is to address the fact it's highly caffeinated."

Ah yes. Mortals and their proclivity for caffeine. I'll admit I haven't tried much. "Intriguing. I want another!"

Man of Iron chuckles at me, sliding another can to me. "Have at it. But I'll advise you, you probably wanna be careful because those have-holy moly he destroyed that drink."

I down the entire can in two gulps. I love it. I love it. I love it! "Caffeine will not affect me, I am a god."

I get up, searching for more of these Monsters. I must have more! I must!

A few minutes later, I have three cans on front of me, one halfway empty. The Spangled Man looks a bit nervous. "Are you sure we should be encouraging this?"

"We do not succumb to caffeine like you mortals do. Right, Loki? Maybe you are drinking that too fast..."

I'm downing my fifth one now. I can feel a stomachache coming on. Dammit. I should have thought of that sooner. But the Monsters are just too fucking good! Fuck is such a fun word. Hahahaha!

I'm beginning to feel flushed. Oh? Is this a sign of the caffeine? Everything is funnier all of a sudden.

"How are you feeling, Reindeer Games?"

Normally I'd be very offended at that nickname. But for some reason, it's hilarious to me. "Reindeer?! Do I look like a- pfft. HAHAHAHAHA!"

"What did you do, Tony?!"

"He took one from Thor, Agent Romanoff! And then...he took four more of them."

My entire body is vibrating. I'm. Vibrating. Have I finally reached enlightenment? I never knew it would happen this way.

I get up from my chair, knocking it over as I stumble over to Thor. "Brother. I'm vibrating."

He looks a bit disturbed. "Vibrating?"

I jump up and down, filled to the brim with quenchable energy. Holy shit! "GOOD MONSTER DRINKS AND DWARVES OF VANAHEIM I FEEL EXQUISITE!"

"There are no dwarves or Monsters in Vanaheim, Loki!"

I jump on a chair, unable to stop giggling. "WE CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN! WE'RE GODS! WE'RE REAL..LIVE...GODS!"

Thor tries to grab me around the waist and lift me off the chair. "Loki, please don't repeat the time you got drunk and climbed on the chandelier!"

I struggle and kick but for some reason I feel too weak to throw him off. Is that my heartbeat I can feel in my ears? Oh gods, why am I so hot?!

"I knew this was a bad idea. Perhaps caffeine can affect gods after all."

I can't stand it. I can't stand it. I'm too hot. I'm too hot. I'm too hot.