Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Thor Meets Jane Again

Another sad one. Yeet. Don't yeet me lol.

Thor POV

"Hey. Thor. We have a visitor."

Korg nudges me with his controller. I grumble and down the rest of my beer. "Tell them to leave."

He tries to snatch my controller away from me. "It's not just anyone. She says her name is Jane."

I drop everything I'm holding and suddenly feel light-headed. "Jane? What Jane? Jane Foster? She's... she's my ex. Why would she be here?...what manner of Jane is she? Do you mean Mary Jane? I'd like some of tha-"

Korg chucks a pillow at me, interrupting my rambling as I pull a shirt on. "Jane Foster. It's Jane Foster. She's not going to judge you. Just breathe. You'll be okay. You can handle noobmaster69, you can handle this."

I put on my war face. "You're right. I can do this."

I light a blunt and stick it in my mouth, taking a hit before opening the door. "Hello, Jane."

Jane looks like she used to. Same long hair, same curious eyes, same ink stains on her hands, worry lines and shadows under her eyes.

Wait. Worry lines?! Drug circles?! Why does she look like that?!

I awkwardly touch my hair. Shit. I didn't even brush it. Hell, I didn't even shower today. Why did she pick today?

I've been staring at her for a few minutes now. Right. That's considered socially awkward. "Uh.....hi Jane. Jane Foster. Ms. Foster. Or uh...Jane. Yeah. Uh...yeah. Hehe!"

Korg appears, pulling out a chair for her. Why didn't I think of that?! Clearly I need to get out more....

Jane enters the space, leaning lightly on the proffered chair. I hurry to close the door, locking it. She turns at the click of the lock with a guarded demeanor, making me regret my paranoid actions. But only for a minute, for my usual paranoia sets in again.

When I surface from another couple hits off my blunt, Jane is wrinkling her nose. Korg swats it away from my mouth, lightly. "Don't smoke when there's guests, Thor."

I turn to my ex girlfriend. Dammit, she looks gorgeous. Even better than in my weird blackout dreams I have when I'm too drunk.

"Sorry, Jane. Do you mind if I smoke?"

She shrugs. "It's fine, just crack the window open."

I nod and bump into a kitchen chair as I try to maneuver my way to the window.

The window latch is either malfunctioning, or I'm now too stupid to do simple everyday tasks. The damn thing won't go up. Just go up. Please. I can't let her see this, she can't see this, she can't-

"Hey. Hey. It's only a window. I've got it. It's a bit stuck, that's all."

Jane thrusts the window open  with ease. It's then I realize... I was thinking out loud. Oh shit. When will I get it together?!

Trying to ignore my latest addition to Why I'm Pathetic ™, I smile my old smile at her. But it doesn't feel the same. Nothing feels the same anymore.

Jane touches my cheek with such tenderness that I almost flinch. I'm not someone who deserves such tender touches. Especially from her. A pain goes through my chest when I see tears in the corner of her eyes.

"Thor....what happened to you?"

I shakily meet her hand lingering on my face with my own. I open my mouth, but it seems I can't speak. My voice has stopped working. I fucking hate it when that happens.

Jane's eyes begin to stream. Desperation is in every worry line in her face. "Thor! Please! You're scaring me. What happened?"

Korg answers for me, much to my gratitude (and humiliation, because I still can't speak). "He's lost everything. Asgard, his eye, Mjolnir, his family, Loki-"

Crrraaccck. Crraaack.
His skin is grey, purple hands encircle his throat-

I feel a burning sensation in my palm. I've crushed the blunt in my panic of that awful memory attacking me. "No. No. Let's not...talk about that. It doesn't matter."

She pulls her hand away from my cheek, taking the warmth with it. "Of course it matters. I've lost people too."

My self loathing only increases upon hearing that news. I should have gone for the head. "Jane...I'm so sorry."

She shakes her head. "Why are you saying that like...like it's-"

"My fault?.."

The embers of my blunt burn my hand as I tighten my fists. Smoke curls from my clenched fingers. Jane reaches for my fist and pries open my fingers. "You're burning yourself!"

I let her run cold water over my skin, not registering the burn on my hand. "It's okay."

"Your skin was smoking! In Midgard, we don't consider that okay!"

I shrug apathetically. "Happens often now. That happens to be the same hand that got cut off once, actually."

"Oh yeah, by your...brother."

I loudly clear my throat, looking at the gaming console. "Do you like Fortnite?"

~~~~~~~~

"Who's calling us dickheads?"

I turn to Jane. "I've got this. It's Noobmaster69."

She looks amused as I put Noobmaster69 in his place. "It's Thor here! You get off this server or I'll come over there, rip off your arms and legs and shove them up your butt! And I'll take your controller and flush it down the magic chamber pot!"

Jane is giggling uncontrollably now. "I think you mean toilet?"

I nod enthusiastically. "YES! Precisely! That!"