Marvel Oneshots And Crack

Experiments

Tony POV

"Steve is done donating blood. I barely got us out of there."

I help the petite woman haul the large, woozy super soldier into the back of our car. His skin is stark white and he can barely sit up. Those damn vampires, taking so much blood from an unsuspecting person.

"They took a ridiculous amount of blood from him. He'll regenerate it fairly fast, but for now he's pretty out of it."

I turn to Maria Hill after settling Steve in. "How much did they take? Do we have anything sugary in the car, Nat? His blood sugar has got to be low."

Maria sighs, eyes closed in exhaustion. "Two liters. Twice the amount they should."

Natasha smiles sympathetically at the brown haired SHEILD agent. "You wanna ride home with us and sit down after what's probably been five hours?"

"Oh hell yes. I'm actually off duty for an hour or too. I also donated blood. Not as much as this big guy, of course."

Maria lightly hits Steve's bicep as she settles into the middle seat. Steve doesn't seem to notice.

"C'n I haff a cookie?"

Steve's voice is slurred and thick with a New York accent. He sounds rather childish like this.

Natasha's face turns soft. "We're working on it, Cap."

Steve mumbles, "I was promised apple juice and a cookie."

Maria gasps. "Someone get this man a cookie and apple juice!"

I gun the van engine after everyone climbs in, noticing a McDonald's up ahead. "Let's go get cheeseburgers. My treat, obviously."

"I jus' wan' a cookie."

"We'll get you your cookie, Cookie Monster. But you need a cheeseburger. Ya know, sweet and salty restores the blood sugar and all that jazz. Pepper is big on that stuff. Oh, that reminds me."

I press a button on my steering wheel. JARVIS wakes up, automated voice as lovely as usual.

"Hello, Sir."

"Hey JARVIS. Can you put Pepper on the Bluetooth speaker?"

"Calling Pepper."

She answers on the second ring. "I swear to God, you better not be hurt-"

I chuckle at my darling girlfriend. "Oh no. I'm okay. Captain America is grieving the loss of four liters of blood, so after we get cheeseburgers, he's going to take a long power nap in Stark Tower."

"Is zhat Pepper? Hiii Pepper."

Steve peeks around my seat, eyes half closed.

"Our woozy super soldier sends his greetings."

Pepper giggles. "Hello, Steven."

We talk with Pepper for a while, and then she hangs up to go to the spa. I told her to take a day off.

Steve seems to doze off until we're in the drive through. He smells the restaurant and wakes up, mumbling, "Cookie."

Maria smiles a little, rare for her. "You'll get your cookie, okay?"

Steve yawns loudly. Slumped in his seat, his guard down, he looks so much younger. How old is he, anyway?

I order all the food, getting cookies and burgers and fries for everyone. At last minute, I remember that Steve came from a time when carbonated drinks were a luxury.

After they hand me the bags of food and I distribute them, I take a detour to the gas station. "I'll be right out."

It only takes ten minutes to buy two cans of soda for ol' Spangles. As soon as Steve sees the cans (after devouring his cookies), his face lights up. "How much did that cost?!"

Natasha smirks. "Five bucks each. That's considered very cheap now."

We all yeet away.