Rajas : Passion Unveiled

Chapter 79

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Ayansh's POV

3 days 4 nights 17 hours 26 minutes 4,5,6,7

I sigh. I am a man of patience. I know to stay calm even in the toughest of situations. I have trained myself for it. So it is beyond me, why my fucking heart is racing and my mind is a mess of emotions. All because of one person.

My wife

Who has been ignoring me for so long. It's like she is the oasis in the desert of my life. I keep trying to reach it to quench my thirst and it keeps going away from me. Ishani has avoided me like the plague. Literally.

I hit my fist on the steering wheel and startle as the horn sounds. Fucking hells. I press the horn again. Why the fuck is this signal taking so long to turn green?!

I feel like somehow my life has lost it's meaning. My coffee has been tasting bitter, my food bland and my room empty for the last 3 days. Somehow my home feels like just a house now. The silence is deafening. Truly. It is daunting. And I hate it.

I crave her voice, the jingling of her bangles, her soft footsteps, her voice, her scent, her smile, her presence. I crave her.

I sigh. I am startled out of my thoughts as a car honks and I realise that the light has turned green and I haven't moved. Fuck.

Meri Jaan ek din meri jaan lekar hi rahegi

I miss the days when I would go home and my entire being would lighten up on seeing her. When she would smile at me, ask me how my day was. When, after dinner we would sit on the swing or just lie down in the bed, talking. God I miss her....

The longing intensifies as I enter and see her laughing with my siblings. All four of them are huddled together on the couch, Avyaan's laptop before them as they watch some web series. My heart warms as I see Laksh adjust the pillow under her injured leg and she smiles at him gratefully. I swallow the lump in my throat as I see her pat Yuvika's head lovingly that has fallen on her shoulder as my sister sleeps. Avyaan pouts and she ruffles his hair with a laugh. I watch with a smile as they watch the show.

"You could join them", a voice says in my ear and I turn to find chachi looking at me. I clear my throat. "I don't watch such shows. You know that chachi", I murmur. She stands beside me. "Yes I do. I also know that Ishani doesn't watch such things either. Yet she is", chachi says and I turn to find Ishani smiling at Laksh who is engrossed in explaining the show to her. My eyes soften as I see the happiness in his eyes. His carefreeness.

"Here's a piece of advice, beta. Well not exactly advice but", she looks at the four of them. 

"Sometimes people do the things that they don't like for the people they love", she says in a low voice. She turns to me, her eyes filled with understanding. "But you know that, don't you?", she asks and I stiffen. The corner of her lips quirk in a small smile. I stop the gasp that had risen up my throat as she cups my face. Her eyes rove over my features, motherly warmth shining in them. 

"You can hide from the world, from yourself. But you cannot hide from us. I'm not saying this because I want you to tell me everything. But I am saying this because I want you to know that when whatever darkness that is overwhelming you threatens to consume you, I want you to know that we are here. That we will understand. That she is here", chachi points at Ishani. My mouth opens as if to say something but no words come out. What would I even say?

"I don't need to know anything to support you. Because I know you, Ayansh", her hand settles on my chest above my heart. "I know your heart. And that is enough. It is enough for me, for all of us to love you", she smiles warmly. Her hand gently caresses my face once and then she heads inside. I watch as she smiles at them. I stand outside and watch as she wakes up Yuvika from her slumber and calls everyone for dinner.

I mask my frustration as I see Isha talk to papa and dadu about her work. I make some excuse about some urgent work and head out. My body works on autopilot as I grab my keys and start my car. I drive aimlessly on the deserted road. Even the road is empty. 

Quiet. Fuck it's too quiet. I loathe this silence. Because it is not controlled by me.

My hand goes towards the radio and I increase the volume a little. Some song plays on it, barely audible but it's enough to fill the void.

I sigh as I slow down. Isha would kill me if I get into an accident. I sigh heavily.

Isha

How do I get her to talk to me? I understand her anger. Honestly, she is right. I know she is right. I know I need to stop. Vivaan has said it too, multiple times. But it's difficult. God it's so very difficult.

I want you to come to me. Talk to me when something is bothering you. Tell me what is hurting you to the point that it's driving you to harm yourself. I want you to stop hurting yourself.

Pour it all out on me. But don't hurt yourself. Please don't hurt yourself

I want you to live Ansh

I want you to live

I stop the car at the side of the road. The music plays at a low volume as I stare out of the window. My eyes fall on an old, poor couple sitting on the sidewalk. The old man passes his blanket to his wife and the old woman passes it back to him. This goes on for a few minutes as they argue. I cannot stop the smile on my face as I see them finally huddle togethr under the same blanket. They have lived in such harsh conditions for years and their love still runs strong after beating all odds.

God I cannot wait to get old with my Isha and spend my life with her. I-

I freeze. My breath hitches in my throat. I want to grow old with her. I want to live a life. With her. I lean my head bak on the headrest as I chuckle dryly.

I want to live for her

My cheeks ache as my smile widens. Yes. Yes!! I want to live for her. For my Isha. She's right . Vivaan was right. A laugh breaks out of me as my eyes flick back to the old couple sleeping on the sidewalk.

I lick my lips as my gaze fixates on the radio. The music. She always wants to play music while travelling.

I start the car and drive with a newfound purpose. As I reach home and get out of the car I look up at the sky. Crescent moon

I smile.

Amavas toh hogayi. Poornima bhi jald aayegi

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