Writing Tips and Reviews

Yay more Copy and Paste

I know I said I wasn't going to do the second chapter, but as I was reading the second chapter to the other story I found it too boring to review. So I went back to this one. It's other review also says it's a fascinating story, so maybe it gets good going forward. I highly doubt it but an editor can dream.

Edit: I do apologize for missing so much of the first chapter as I was under the assumption LITERALLY nothing mattered but it has been pointed out to me that the end scene did have some new content. And I'm here to rectify my mistakes.

It's because he spent his entire life alone. No parents, no siblings, no friends, no real home, nothing. And yet somehow, someway, he endured.

The young Luz gets an idea and smiles, "Well, why don't you join us for dinner?" She offers him, causing him to visibly flinch. He waves his hands, refusing her offer but Luz manages to grab his hand and drag him out of the house despite his protests. "Oh, don't be like that." Luz assures him. "I know for a fact that Mom and Dad are going to love getting to know you." He dissipates the scene, clearly having enough of the trip down memory lane.

As you can see here, there is a small bit where Tenebrae is properly introduced with some backstory. It's entirely my fault for skipping this as I was too busy reading through the Owl House transcript to compare scenes. Thankfully, someone in the discord gave me this scene. However, just because I made a mistake on missing it doesn't mean it's perfect.

This isn't enough to explain Tenebrae's "murder blood kill" behavior that Luz hasn't complained about or why she sticks with him. Feeling pity for someone is not enough for you to stick around forever, and he has done little for Luz to justify why she's so close to him. As I said in the previous part, keeping everything so close to the show's cannon doesn't allow for new characters to get the screen time they need to develop. This scene is an outlier and proves the author can write, but he's so focused on stealing the script that any tender moment gets run over by a train.

I'm not a perfect writer, I need to edit my stories all the time and it sucks when entire scenes need to be redone. But that's how it goes as a writer. At least with an original story, you can add or subtract scenes and not screw up the cannon of another media. When you add an emotional scene to Luz that doesn't exist outside of the show, it's jarring when the script requires her to be just fine the next scene and you don't add an in between. You also can't change the time period any of this happens. Every new scene that occurs in this "story of my creation" happens in breaks where the show would cut to a new scene.

And that's depressing. You shouldn't rely on the show taking a break to plug in your oc's development and then continue with the script like that never happened. This is why people make their stories by hand, they can control the scenes, set up plots, place Chekov's Gun somewhere, and let the story roll before finally pulling the trigger. And while normally I wouldn't have a problem with Chekhov's Gun being fired chapters after when it was put on the wall, or even at the last chapter, the script is dictating when it fires, not the author. So it's likely it'll be fired at the wrong time.

Let me bring up an example. Imagine Tenebrae has a pendant from his birth mother and he wears it around his neck. Eda points it out and he says he's always had it. Now the script goes on as usual. We wait for chapters for it to brought up again just for it to show up in the middle of a party and then gone forever. You can pick the right time when the script takes a break to do this well, or you can write the story by hand and create the scene around it. What sounds better? Doing research to find the perfect time or making it? Maybe it's because I write stories by hand, but I'm choosing the second option.

That's a long edit. Let's get into the meat of this chapter 2.

Previously on xxx, we are introduced to this reality's verison of Luz Noceda and her elder brother in arms, Tenebrae. Another of their antics insued regarding a book report lands in Principal Hal's office and their mother, Camilla, hoping to curb her daughter's creative streak, plans to send her to Reality Check Summer Camp while the former deciding to expel him; the boy with the pointed ears becomeing oddly overjoyed at the propsect. Waiting for the bus and chasing after a strange owl and a salvaging enemy of Tenebrae's hunts sends them to a strange and wondrous realm of magic and demons, the Boiling Isles. While Tenebrae slips away to do who knows what, Luz meets Eda Clawthorne, the Owl Lady and the Boiling Isles' strongest wild witch.