Writing Tips and Reviews

Review: Deborah and the Duke's Obsession

After I completed the review for Amphibia Season 4: Corruption of the Calamity Trio, I was asked to check out this story. 

As a short introduction, this is an original story created by the author and its chapters are quite short, but there is a lot of detail given to the characters and some of the world. 

Chapter 1:

After coming back from the exposition hell that was the Amphibia story, I'm actually glad to see a story that relies on the characters themselves and their actions to explain who they are. As sad as that is to say. Overall, a good start to the book. I don't have anything to say as it is just an introduction and I'm excited to see how it goes.

Chapter 2:

Despite being a short chapter, it was good at conveying its ideas and themes. I could read what each character was thinking and how they felt by their reactions. The descriptions were good, and it was nice to see how, despite the shorter length, it didn't feel too rushed.

Chapter 3:

You have some questions, so I'll answer them.

The story has been great so far. In a sea of how much awful writing I read it's a breath of fresh air for someone to come to me and have a good story. But I also don't look for people to review, it feels awkward... that's beyond the point. I think what you're doing it great, and judging from the comments, the reception is positive and deserved.

I think Daniel handled things well with this girl, he was gentle and took it easy with someone who likely has been through a lot in her life.

The girl's reaction was valid, realistic is still up for debate with me since I have never written with that type of scenario, but I liked it. 

I know I haven't given much criticisms to the story, but there isn't much I find wrong with it. Wordings can be off but that's nothing compared to reading a story where every chapter makes me want to hang myself. Please take that as a win, I don't say that about a lot of what I'm given. 

Chapter 4:

This was a good chapter as well, I think the chapters are getting better with how they handle the characters and details. And it was nice to see a backstory explanation without feeling like I'm reading the wikia page, HAZBIN HOTEL. I have a steaming hatred for that show, ignore me.

I think the chapters have been great so far. I'm very used to fantasy stories, so this is the first that's close to non-fictional that I've read in years.

Chapter 5:

This chapter was a nice break type, and I liked how the girl discovered her talent. It was cute and I like the father daughter bond these two have.

Chapter 6: 

This chapter was interesting and did some world-building, but I found myself more interested in the interactions between the established characters than the new ones. Which is fine, I'm sure they'll be fleshed out later.

Final Thoughts:

Despite its short chapter length, the story does a great job with its characters. Each description felt like I was in there with the characters and I could feel how they were feeling. The format can be strange as the chapters end when their arc is complete, but I think that works out in a short story such as this one. The characters all felt like real people and not just cardboard cut outs and I didn't need to read a Wikipedia page to understand who they were.

The only criticism I have, which might be solved later, is that I know very little of the world and the characters in the beginning haven't made much of an impact yet. But I assume they will return in a future chapter. The 6th arc, as I'll call it, is a good start to how the world around them works, but I still know very little of it. Again, a small complaint that might be solved in later chapters.

As a character driven story, it does it's job with the relationships. I like how detailed everything is without it feeling like a Wikipedia lore dump. And after reading some of the worst stories in history, it's a breath of fresh air to see a story that is wholesome with a bigger mystery to it. If I were to suggest anything, I would like to know more about the world in small bits, definitely keep focusing on the two main characters with some more about the ones introduced already. 

I know this is a short review, but I tend to go longer with stories I can scream about. With how well-written this is, there isn't much for me to say. I am someone who enjoys longer stories, but I never found this to be lacking. I think if it tried to be longer it could do well, but it's fine how it is. All I hope is that it doesn't go downhill, but after going through some of the author's other works, I don't think that will be a problem. Unlike the previous author I reviewed, the chapters meant something and I didn't skip through anything. Which is great writing. I only think it could do better from here and I hope to keep up with the story as it progresses. 

Keep going. Because you're doing great.