Writing Tips and Reviews

Calamity Trio of Boring FINALE

Trigger warning: Lots of mentions of child abuse because Roman thinks it's okay to abuse kids if they can't stop evil adults. I'm so glad this is the last time I'm reviewing this.

I know I said the author doesn't agree with Roman's messages about child abuse, but then he proceeded to NOT end on Roman being condemned for child abuse. And I know, that even if you don't outwardly say you're against it, it doesn't mean you're for it. But no one writes this much child abuse in one story and ends with no consequences for the abuser. And the abuser wins in the end. I'm told this is a "bad ending" so there's a CHANCE there will be consequences and the "good ending" will have him locked up with a VERY LONG paragraph of why abusing children for not being strong enough to stand against their adult abusers is NOT OKAY.

Edit: I talked to the author and he DOESN'T stand by Roman's actions. He will add more scenes of characters being against child abuse. Dodged a bullet. Or a meteorite.

Edit 2: The author also says that the purpose of this story is to show Roman as a bad person, however, if you need to add a trigger warning to your story that you don't condemn acts such as child abuse, maybe you should rethink your story. I also do not care if your friends think this is the best story they've ever written, they are YOUR FRIENDS and not an unbiased party. The reason I shared this with so many groups outside of your friend group is to get that unbiased view.

And lastly, making people feel uncomfortable as an immersion to the story is different than making them feel uncomfortable because they question YOUR morals. You took cartoon show children and abused them. You pulled a Lily Peet and you face the consequences. If I have to ask you if you condemn child abuse if the child isn't able to stand up perfectly against an abusive adult, YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WROTE.

Honestly, I've said everything I could. So let me show you what my friends think. Before the author goes, "this is so amazing! More people are reading my fan fiction and are going to love it!" Or "I don't want their opinion because they don't know Amphibia", these people are writers. Most of who I hang out with are other writers and they review my work all the time. Even if they've never touched the series I'm writing for, their opinions matter. Also, these are coming from groups on three different servers.

I reached the image limit for this so I have scattered them in the other parts, but these are the main points I want to bring up.

There are a lot of problems that my friends point out but, again, image limit, and I'm also not going to copy and paste the rest of our conversations. I'll explain their points if you decide to skip the screenshots.

ESTABLISHING CHARACTERS

Because everyone but Roman is from another series, the author decided that NO INTRODUCTIONS OR DEVELOPMENT is necessary. We don't need to introduce Luz, Amity, and some kid from another person's fan fiction, we should START with the kid being kidnapped and everyone crying about it like we've known her for years. It's worse when you know this story is tagged with other series and expecting them to know everything is also stupid. A Mario fan game and someone else's fan fiction have to be the worst of the "you should know everything" problem.

I also spent a lot of time complaining about how Luz and Amity's families crying is hollow. And I'm not getting over "the Owl House fans will cry", AND???????? How does that help the other people who DON'T know the Owl House? He KNOWS I'm the Fate freak who showed up two months ago, so WHY would he expect me to be over my phone crying over this child I've never seen before? Am I supposed to insert Mash in her place and pretend I care? If this story was for the Owl House fans, I wouldn't be complaining, but it's not. It's tagged with 6 series, and you SOMEHOW expect everyone to be an Owl House fan.

And my friends say the same thing. When you spend a chapter on the family crying but never explain what their relationship was to the child then we don't care. It's okay to start a chapter with the kidnapping, but if you rely on the reader to know everything from the series to react then that's lazy. I can't write Mash's death in a random place and never explain who she was or what she meant to people while also expecting everyone to cry. People who don't know Fate Grand Order, which can include other Fate fans as they only know Stay Night, won't know what Mash meant to us.