Welcome to Writing Tips, where I place my subjective opinion with sometimes objective facts. Whether you're writing a fan fiction with ocs or your story with copyrighted characters, tips and tricks are always helpful.
Added reviews!!! I'm here to h...
Trigger warning: Mentions of fetishizing child abuse and exploiting children. It believes CHILDREN should be blamed for the actions of adults and their punishment should be torture. Read at your discretion.
I cannot believe I just wrote that. What did this person give me and why did he think my friends and I would worship it as the best story we've ever read?
Edit 2: I told my friends
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Seeing as I have nothing better to do but review the second chapter to the other fan fiction I was given, I'm going to do that. I plan to only cover up to chapter 3, but no promises as I might get bored again. I'll also be playing Fate Grand Order while doing this, so please excuse any FGO comparisons while I do this.
In the dimly lit office, the mysterious man sat alone at his desk, the cold glow of the monitor reflecting off his tense face. His fingers tapped rhythmically on the desk, a calculated beat that matched the storm of thoughts swirling in his mind.
"Phase one is complete," he muttered under his breath, his voice low and weighted with both accomplishment and unease. With a measured click of the mouse, he opened a new file on his computer.
"It's time for phase two," he said, almost to himself, his voice sharper now, like a blade slicing through the heavy silence of the room.
I'm going to use this first scene as a quick reminder to what this story is about. Ahem, "Anne was thrown into a building and it crumbled, killing my wife and child. SHE AND HER FRIENDS ARE AT FAULT AND NEED TO BE CORRUPTED AND ABUSED FOR ME TO REVENGE. King Andrias, who's that?" Now that we're up to speed, I want to point out that much of these scenes were redone from their former state which was... lore dump to the extreme. So, I'll be trying to judge them based on how they are now and not from what I remember of them.
The screen lit up with intricate schematics and detailed plans-plans for a mission the world known as the Boiling Isles, a place as dangerous as it was enigmatic. His eyes scanned the details, but his gaze lingered for a moment longer than it should have, revealing a flicker of doubt. His jaw clenched, and a shadow of dread passed over his features.
He leaned back in his chair, exhaling deeply, as if trying to steady the storm within. "I know what needs to be done," he murmured, his tone now somber. "But the Boiling Isles... its fate is sealed. And her..." He paused, his voice cracking ever so slightly. "She doesn't deserve to go through this."
Alright, it's not the worst start I've ever seen, and it's sure better than the entire page of lore dumping that was the events of the Owl House. And I know I'm the wrong demographic for this type of story. I'm a Fate fan who enjoys watching the Holy Grail War explode entire cities yet somehow be covered up as a gas explosion. But that doesn't mean I can't criticize this as a story.
And I will complain that the advertising of this being "Amphibia Season 4" is false marketing. Amphibia itself hasn't been mentioned and the cast is going to other locations. If it was advertised as a crossover, I wouldn't be complaining, but when I was given this story, it was advertised to "fix season 3's mistakes" and "continue the story". Which it hasn't done at all.
