Welcome to Writing Tips, where I place my subjective opinion with sometimes objective facts. Whether you're writing a fan fiction with ocs or your story with copyrighted characters, tips and tricks are always helpful.
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And we're back, good to have you. We will be looking at chapters 6-9, or as I like to call them, "the chapters where the characters spend all day whining". These chapters are only around 200 words long and I'll be skipping through a ton of useless crap, anything that doesn't have to do with the story or character development will be skipped. To save sanity and page length.
I also got the full quote from Dumbsville's video: can fan fiction writers stop using the "This character's POV" bullshit? It completely ruins the purpose of a first-person perspective, which is to create a story around a single character's perspective. If you want to write a story with multiple characters' perspectives, just write a third-person story.
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Chapter Six: Celestia, the one who's too stupid to use her power, and consequences don't exist
"We enjoyed the party, but I felt like something was wrong. I felt almost as if someone was spying on us."
I'm going to tell you because Shayana won't, this is Quicksand, yes, that's his name. He is the narrator and that's all we're told for now.
I'm guessing that there aren't any cameras in school because whatever room they're in should be recording them breaking the rules. It's also never stated if they got permission or not, remember, the writer is treating this like we already know the characters, the world, and what happened beforehand so she doesn't have to put any EFFORT into developing anything.
"I decided to try Celestia, she would know for sure, being able to see the future and read minds and stuff."
WOW, that has to be the worst way a person could introduce a character's power.
So, here we are, in Quicksand's chapter, talking about Celestia's development. Do you see why going in the third person would be the best for a type of story like this? Dumbsville has good advice, listen to him and he'll get you places. I don't know how many of you watch murder mysteries, but they do better development with characters who only show up in that episode. It's not that hard.
"Well, she can read minds and stuff", that's never used so why bring it up? Do you have any idea how character introductions and development work? Not, because you still think PURE GOOD AND PURE EVIL exist. And stop writing like a child, if you're going to call yourself a professional, don't use "and stuff" at the end of lists.
Fate did better with the Grand Casters and their ability to see the future, they saw it right away and knew what to do about it. Celestia having clairvoyance now is only mentioned and used here, she didn't think to use it beforehand so that they could avoid getting caught. Only when it can be a Deus ex Machina. Development of powers is nonexistent in this story. It's brought up once so the story can create some conflict then that's it. When they said Ruby was fast, they didn't say it to get her out of trouble and for her to use it once. She uses it in multiple battles and for fun. RWBY food fight, everyone knows that episode and how fun it is.
"I never thought this was a good idea, and I wanted to call it off for a time."
You had to write the one smart character stupid because you wanted to waste people's time with a party we don't even get to see. There is more time spent on making the party and waiting for Shade than on the actual party. I have never seen anyone this inept at writing before. She's how old? 13? You'd think someone who is 13 and has this power, would be smart enough to use it and avoid danger, but apparently, she's the type of person who waits until everyone is at the edge of the cliff, knows they're all going to die, but lets them do it because "they were having fun".
