Art of being a Player...

Loving a Playboy

Nagmartsa ako papasok ng living room nya, then pumunta ako sa pinto para lumabas pero nakalock ito. Naiinis kong sinipa ang pinto. Napatingin ako sa isang pinto, kung saan sa tingin ko ay ang pinaka bedroom nya, dirediretso akong pumunta sa pinakaroom nya.

Pagpihit ko ng doorknob ay bumukas ang pinto, katulad sa living room nya any black and white din ang theme ng loob, malawak ang loob ng pinakakwarto nya, meron isang malaking kama na itim ang bedsheet sa gitna. Nilibot ko ang tingin sa kwarto nya, meron syang study table at bookshelve, meron din syang 42 inches Flat screen Tv, sa isang banda ng room nya ay may cabinet na ang laman ay mga gadget. Ayos na ayos ang lahat ng gamit sa room nya, parang babae ang nagkukwarto. Inis kong kinuha ang remote ng AC nya na nakapatong sa study table nya at binuksan ang aircon. Nililis ko ang comforter nya na black sabay upo sa kama, inalis ko ang sandals ko at nahiga sa kama nya, kinumot ko ang comforter sa katawan ko at pumikit.

Bahala sya! Matutulog nalang ako! I don't care if this is his room, kung ikukulong nya ako sa kwarto nya mas mabuting matulog nalang kesa makipagbangayan sakanya.

Naramdaman ko ang paglundo ng kama, mayamaya pa ay pinulupot na nya ang braso nya saakin, siniksik nya ang ulo nya sa batok ko. Hindi ako gumalaw o nagmulat man lang ng mata, maya maya pa ay naramdaman ko na may basa sa batok ko.

Is he crying?

"I'm sorry.."mahina nyang sabi.

"Please Gorg, don't hate me..please?" he said in a pain voice habang patuloy kong nararamdaman ang mainit na likido sa batok ko, humigpit ang yakap nya mula sa likuran ko. "I can't take it..you can be mad at me, but please don't hate me.."

I bit my lips, as I tried to keep my mouth shut.

"If you can't love me, then at least don't hate me Gorg, if you want me to beg, I'll do it... just say a word and I'll do it. That's how much I love you." Nanginginig ang boses na sabi nya.

This is the first time I've seen Cian like this, it's like his opening his soul to me.

I opened my eyes and turned around.

Napatingin sya saakin, and I noticed how red his eyes are and how sad he looks. Hinwakan ko ang mukha nya at nilapit ko ang mukha ko.

"Why do we have to be hurt like this?" I whispered as a tear fell from my eye.

"Why do we have to keep on hurting each other if we could just forgive and forget?"he answered back.

I bit my lip as I tried to choke back my sob.

"Because it's not that easy Cian, it's not easy when we're both hurting.."

"You know I love you right? I've never meant to hurt you I swear..please believe me,,please forgive me.." he said while crying.

I never thought that the mighty Cian Collins will cry infront of me.

"Cian..look at me..." I said as I tried to wipe his tears away. "We need space..time to think about everything.." I said as I tried to control my voice.

"No..all we need is forgiveness.. I already forgave you Carra, please forgive me too?" he said as he holds my hand and kisses the back of my palm.

Umiling iling lang ako habang tahimik na umiiyak.

It's my turn to close my eyes.

"Gorg, look at me..open your eyes.."he said.

Umuling lang ako.

"Please?"

I sighed then I opened my eyes.

"Don't let us drift apart because of the pain inside your heart..give me a chance..just one more chance to prove my love to you."

"And then what? You'll hurt me again because of that special girl of yours? Do you think seeing her with you is easy..everytime na nakikita ko sya kasama mo, all i can think about is ako dapat yun..sinundan ka pa nya talaga ha?!"mapait kong sabi sabay talikod sakanya, I embrace the pillow beside me.

"I wish I can tell you everything..can't  you just trust me on this? I love you..hindi pa ba sapat yun?" he whispered.

Bigla akong napaupo sa sinabi nya, at nilingon sya.

"Seriously Cian? Are you really asking me that stupid question?! Tell me how can I trust you if you're keeping a secret?! And you're telling me that love is enough?! No Cian! Love is not enough! I also need honesty and assurance...I can never be secured knowing that there's something between you and that girl!" I said furiously.

"Gorg.."

"You know what hurts most? It's when I realized that I'm already falling for you and yet you were not there to catch me." Naiiyak kong sabi.

Nanlaki ang mata nya na para bang nagulat sya sa sinabi ko.

"You mean?"

"Yes Cian, I love you..and I'm so sorry for myself for loving a Playboy like you!"