Art of being a Player...

His Side

CIAN

The hardest decision that I ever made is when I pushed Carra away, I had no choice that time but to hurt her.

"Let's break up Carra." I said in a serious voice. Napatingin sya saakin, mas lalo pang nagpatakan ang luha nya, I wanted to punch myself for making her cry, but I have to do this, I need to.

"W-what?"

"You're right, nakakapagod na..ako rin Carra pagod na!"

Her eyes grew wide.

"Cian!"

"I know I've been unfair, and you were right..I'm hurting you and you don't deserved it..pero.. I can't leave her..she needs me!" I said without looking at her.

"But I need you too! Can't you see Cian? I also need you that's why I'm holding on to your promises..because I need you and I love you!"

"I- I can't do this anymore..I'm sorry Carra..hindi ko na kayang hatiin ang sarili ko sainyo ni Margaux!"

Her lips parted. She looks shocked.

"So you're choosing her over me?" she whispered.

"I'm sorry!" I said as I tried to avoid looking at her, I'm afraid I might take my words back if I will see her eyes.

"How could you?!" galit nyang sabi, sabay hampas sa dibdib ko. "After everything I've done! After everything that I went through!" she said habang pinagpapalo ako at habang umiiyak.

I can't stand it, I can't stand seeing her crying especially when I am the one who made her cry. But I can't do anything about it. I can't.

Every night after going at Margaux's house I will get myself drunk so that I can have a peaceful night, because when I'm sober all I can see is Carra's crying face that I am the one to be blamed for.

There was this time when we were at the rooftop and she begged. She begged for my love.. but instead of taking her back I even pushed her more.. I needed to hurt her so she won't come back for me. This is all I can do for her. To let her go. That's how much I love her.

"Don't worry..I'll never ask you to take me back. I'm planning to stay beside Margaux and take care of her..so please find someone who will love you more than I did, who will take care of you para hindi ka na masasaktan everytime na makikita mo kami..para di mo narin saktan si Margaux at para di mo na kailangan mag embento pa ng kwento." I said cruelly.

She winced.

She was hurt with what I have said.

"Yes, I'll do that..don't worry. Now get out of here and leave me.. I want to be alone." She said trying to sound brave, but I know her. I know that she just want me to see her brave but deep inside she's really hurting. And I hate myself for doing this to her.

I nodded at me turned towards the door.

"Good bye Carra." I said, then I left her alone. I stayed at the back of the door. She doesn't know that I'm just standing behind the door and that I can hear her crying, and it's breaking my heart.

Carra decided to leave the country for her internship, but I know to myself that I am the reason why she left. She stayed at New York for almost a year, I wanted to chase her but I can't, I don't have the right. After all I was the who hurt her, and I know that she thought that I did not believed her when she told me that Margaux is lying about her sickness. Actually I already know about that even before Carra discovered it, I confronted Margaux about it but she threatened to kill herself if I will choose to leave her.. I told her I don't care but then she got so mad and she told me that she will just kill Carra. that's when I got scared, I thought she was just bluffing so I tried to talked to her parents but they told me to do what Margaux wants because she's really sick. Her mental health is not good and she is capable of doing what she said, that's why her parents begged to me to help her, she needs a support group and I should be there for her. Even though I don't like it, I have no choice.