Y/n POV:
As I sit in the kitchen at the counter, eating Nutella my phone starts blowing up and the vibrations are getting very annoying.
I knew it was a mistake to turn my notifications for instagram on, if it weren't for shawn I wouldn't even have instagram. He just wanted to keep up with what I was doing while he was away.
He's supposed to come home today.
Finally.
I take my phone out of my back pocket with a sigh and take a look at what they are fussing about.
Random usernames are leaving comments like, "that bitch?"
"Why her?"
"She's ugly as hell"
I roll my eyes.
Oh god what's this about.
I almost feel as if all of shawn's supporters are jealous, and are trying so hard to get in the way. Me and shawn only faught about our relationship a couple times, nothing that would end us. The fight usually was me screaming about how i wasn't good enough for him and that I didn't understand why he picked me. To him i was being "dellusional".
3000 comments, and the likes Was a huge number but disappeared too quickly to read.
What the hell is this.
Some comments were getting nasty and disgusting. The one that really bothered me was, "go kill yourself"
They all knew of my depression and it was getting worse with out shawn to help and support me. It definetly got worse since they found out, they can find all of my weak spots.
"Why is he dating such a fat ass"
I'm getting uncomfortable, why am I even reading this. They never understood that what they think of me means a lot and they have a huge impact on shawn.
But they were right, no matter how hard shawn would try to convince me that he couldn't do better and that he loved me, I would always take that side of me just being not good enough.
All of the sad thoughts and insecurities I have about myself start creeping in like storm clouds. I feel a lump in my throat as the comments go on and on and on.
I check shawn's page to see he posted a airplane view with the comment, "I'm coming home soon, I miss you @y/n"
The comments are the same on his page, but longer and more detailed, and just overall more nasty.
A tear slides down my cheek and I didn't even notice until it dripped on my screen.
I'm not good enough and I never will be.
I take off my sweatshirt so I'm just wearing a white tank top and put on shawn's red flannel and go upstairs and sit on our bed.
I pull my knees to my chest and start quietly crying.
He hangs out with so many beautiful girls I can't help but let jealousy take over.
The phone keeps going on and on so I scream and throw it somewhere in the room.
I'm literally going insane.
I dig my head farther into my knees and cry harder.
I want him here I want everything to be okay again.
I look up and pull the sleeve to the flannel up to reveal the scars I've gotten from cutting. 6 months clean. It takes everything in me not to start again.
I remember that day he convinced me to stop and he was crying and the thought of me hurting myself hurt him too and he hated himself for not being able to be there.
I rest my cheek on my legs and start rocking and trying to hold back my cries. I don't understand how he deals with so much hate. I can barely take it. I get it for loving someone and that's not fair.
The door opens and I hear a suitcase plop on the ground and I know he's home.
I'm so great wow. He gets to come home to a mess and instead of me asking how everything went I'm crying basically begging for attention.
I'm so pathetic.
"Y/n! I'm home where are you?"
He sounds so happy and bubbly and the thought of him standing there with a smile on his face makes me grin but that doesnt last long.
I hear him walk to the stairs and he's practically running up them, clearly eager to see me.
He opens the door to me not even looking up and resting my entire head in my knees quietly crying.
I can't help it i really wanted to let it all out.
He sits down on the bed gently and rests his hand on my shoulder.
"Shhh y/n, baby girl why are you crying?" His touch and comfort make me feel almost warm again.
"Shawn you know why," i sniffle, "i never understood why everyone hates me so much."
I feel his tension go away as he relaxes and picks my head up from my knees and turns me to I'm facing him.
I look away, completely embarassed that this is how I'm acting when he just got home.
"Y/n look at me," His voice is gentle and welcoming and full of love, all for me.
I look in his beautiful brown eyes, I don't think I can ever get over his beauty. I smile and jump into his arms and start crying, not tears of pity and sadness for myself, but of joy.
"Shawn you don't know how much I missed you," I'm now sobbing in the crook of his neck, "it's been so long."
"Y/n I missed you too." His words are muffled as he buries his head in my shoulder.
"Everything will be okay, no one hates you, I love you and that's all that matters to me. Everyone's opinions don't make me think anything different from the fact that your beautiful, I love you, and that your mine."
I get on his lap and lean back so we're staring at each other dead in the eyes.
"I'm so lucky to have you mendes," i kiss him pationately and when we're done i whisper in his ear, "so lucky."
_______________________________________~I really didn't want this to be so bad but I tried. I love you guys thanks for reading and voting. I love reading your comments:)
~ Leah
