((Requested by sparklingmendes ))
Hannah's POV:
Being away from someone so corrupted, and so caught up in themselves, should be seen as a good thing. It should be seen as an escape to some sort of screwed up torture.
All those nights where'd he'd come home drunk, never really explaining himself, usually would be something that people would release a breath of relief just because they know they wouldn't have to see that pathetic figure in their life again.
But everyday, everyday since I left, there's a void, a void that can only be filled by the one person who caused me so much emotional bruising, and that's shawn.
I know the man I got to know and love, is still in there, behind the alcohol, behind the disgusting words, I know he still exists. He can't just lose the light he holds in his eyes, that's impossible, because even when he has had so much whiskey to the point where understanding him becomes a chore, something still sparkles in his eyes, and that's what I faught for.
I had a blind hope that one day I'd be able to go to sleep with him holding shawn close, saying how much I love him and am happy he's in my life, but too much time went by where that didn't happen.
Sitting in the old apartment I now pay rent for, I watch the arms on the clock go around and around as hours pass by. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, the effects of leaving someone you still love is as brutal as trying to breathe underwater.
The tears streaming down my face are easy to not notice considering that all I've been doing is crying.
5 months ago I left, and five months I still can't bring myself to even think that I don't care anymore.
I do care, I care with everything in me but he just never understood that.
In the midst of my thoughts, there's three knocks at my door and shuffling of heavy feet, making my heart skip beats out of terror.
It can't be.
"C-coming," I call shakily, my heart beating out of my chest with the anticipation of the person who's at my door being shawn.
I glance in the mirror and see what a wreck I am, but I'm praying he looks the same, considering how the tole of alchohol can take on somebody.
Slowly, I twist the nob, and reveal a nervous, scared, guilty looking shawn, with red eyes, and frizzy hair.
Anger boils in my blood, and the shaking is uncontrollable on my part, all of me just wanting to slam the damn door in his face right here and right now and make him feel even more sorry than he probably does now.
"I uh-" he Swallows the lump that is clearly forming in his throat, "can I talk to you?"
Hot tears fall from my eyes, my cheeks burning red, but not from a blush. Worried I'm going to say something stupid, I just nod my head and step out of the way so his tall figure can make his way through.
He looks around and his muscles tense up, seeing the living conditions I have now are not as nice as when we lived together.
"Should we sit?" He mumbles, looking over to the couch and biting his lip nervously.
"No," i deadpan, "j-just spit it out."
"It's just that," shawn sighs, running a hand through his hair, "it's longer than just an apology okay hannah?"
"What the hell could you have to say besides that?" I try holding in my tears but it's useless, there's nothing I can do to make this less painful.
"Please just let me talk to you," and in that moment that we make eye contact, I see the sincerity, making me more intrigued in what he has to say.
I make my way over to the couch and sit down, shawn slowly following with hesitancy and caution.
"5 months sober hannah," he quickly blurts this out and closes his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down, "w-when you left, when I realized how much pain I caused you, when I realized how pathetic I was being, I-i just couldn't live like that anymore. I talked to ian and uh he convinced me to go to rehab, and it was terrifying."
He sniffles and rubs his eyes, and I can't believe what I'm hearing.
"B-but the doctors, everyone, they helped me, they helped me find my way again, and when It was all over, all I could think about was finding my way back to you, so here I am."
I let out a choked sob and just nod, not knowing what to think.
"And I'm sorry, for treating you the way I did, I know that's something you don't deserve, I knew that when I was doing it, but I just couldn't control myself."
"Do you know," i cry, grabbing his hand for support, "how worried I was about you? For your health for your safety? All I wanted was to be there for you and I pushed you away."
"And I was wrong to do so,"he squeezes my hand, looking me deep in the eyes to show how serious he is about this, "hannah I was stupid for doing that to you."
"I'm proud of you," i weakly smile, happy he was able to find help before it was too late, "i know that must've been hard for you."
"Would it be wrong for me to say I love you?" He looks at me with glossed eyes that are full of hope and honesty.
I shake my head no and lean in for a kiss, one that I've been craving for months, and everything just feels so right.
Pulling away he cups my cheeks, pressing our foreheads together, the feeling of security for this relationship returning.
"I love you too."
________________________________________I hope you loved it!!
~Leah
