Shawn's POV:
After breathing out my shaky greeting, my response from y/n is joyful and happy, I already know she's been waiting for my phone call all day, making this even more heart breaking than before.
"Hey Y/n, I miss you," I really hope my voice doesn't sound as broken as my spirit, I don't need her jumping to conclusions right away, especially when I didn't even think through what I was supposed to say to her.
She replies with how she misses me as well, and begins to go on about her day, it being the date a publisher wanted to meet with her to possibly get the book she's been working on out to the public. During her usual updates Andrew tries communicating with me by whispering something that made me sick on the spot.
"Say you've cheated on her, she can't know this break up was planned." He gives me a gentle nod, while my mind is racing.
No way in hell can I hurt her like that, especially when I would never do such a gross betrayal as cheating. It's just not in my nature and she knows it.
"And so in the end he's going to consider putting my book out there, after you know, going over it a couple times making sure everything is publish ready," Y/n's voice is soothing through the phone, almost making me forget the gnawing pain that is slowly making a home in my chest, guaranteed to be staying there for a while.
"I'm so proud of you," My voice cracks as my eyes gloss over with tears, tears of shame and how much of a coward I'm being, "I can't wait to read your changes."
Then, as if a ton of bricks crashed through the wall, a million things hit me at once. Not breaking up with her would be the most selfish thing I would ever do, considering all the cons that comes with dating someone of such fame. All she gets is hate, and the feeling of not being wanted, even though I try being there for her I never can. When she's crying over something that has happened in her day that upset her, I can't be there to tell her everything will be okay.
Y/n deserves someone who will be there when she's at her all time low, and someone who will drop everything just to see her. She deserves someone that doesn't leave months on end and only comes back for weeks at a time. She deserves someone that can do all I can't.
Happiness, she deserves happiness.
"I'll send you a copy," I know she's excited, and just eager for me to read everything, I was the one that motivated her to talk to a publisher in the first place. A yawn comes in through her end, making me run a hand nervously through my hair and letting out a sniffle.
"Uh Y/n," I swallow hard, knowing it's obvious that something is wrong through my tone, "I need to talk to you about something."
As soon as I say these words it's like she stopped breathing altogether, her knowing that I usually never approach issues like that.
"What's wrong Shawn?" Her voice is raspy, sounding as if it's gone dry, I know this because mine has gone the same way.
"Well I," I look over at Andrew pleading with my eyes, begging with everything in me that he can just forget this and I can continue to live the happy life I had moments ago, but I get no response, just a blank stare.
"I've been meaning to tell you something I really regret," More tears stream from my eyes and my voice continues to crack.
"Shawn are you crying?" Y/n sounds like nothing but concern, and care, making me feel as if I don't deserve any of the sweetness and safety she has to offer.
It's for her own good Shawn, don't be selfish.
"I cheated on you," I rushed my words, my mind falls into a haze, and there's a light ringing in my ears at the shock and terror of breaking both of our hearts. I stare blankly at the ground, not really with what's going on anymore, with tears just pouring out of my eyes.
At first, there's just a silence, a silence that makes my shriveling heart beat faster by the second in anticipation, but then comes the dreaded whimpers and cries I hear from her. Sobs that I swore to her that would never be because of me, that if anything, I'd be the one stopping them as they left her lungs.
"I'm so sorry," I take in a shaky breath, not being able to comprehend the lie I just stupidly said to her.
"Don't," She cuts me off, not allowing me to finish my apology, my heart cracking more and more knowing there's going to be her absence. If heart break had a sound her voice would be it.
"Don't hate me," I am now the one sobbing with her, not being able to imagine what my life will be like with out her love.
"Don't hate you?" She's practically yelling, having to take shaky gulps of air to maintain her crying, "How can you expect me to not hate you?"
I lose it, and my body ripples with emotion that can no longer be contained inside of me. I'm not big on showing emotions either, making what I'm doing that much harder.
"I just-I wish I could tell you-," My crying makes my words near impossible to understand.
It's no use anyways, for she has already cut me off, "Tell me what? That you didn't mean it? That it was a mistake? Because we both know damn well it wasn't Shawn."
I know what I've just done will hurt her more than any disgusting comment put on the internet, or any indirect, but knowing I can't do anything to explain to her why our relationship has to end, I end our call as abruptly as I ended us.
_____________________________________________________________________________________~Could you imagine how depressing this would be if this happened to you? Damn I'd want to light myself on fire 10 times over.
~Leah
