Shawn's POV:
Walking into the shabby, hushed apartment, I yet again get another wave of disappointment, already knowing that when I count what I made from street performing, it won't be enough to do anything luxurious, or anything y/n has been wanting to do.
$15.00
That's all I see in my beaten up guitar case, that's covered in stickers which represent venues I dream to perform in, a small tradition I've held since childhood.
The apartment I am able to afford for me and my love is just barely enough, the water sometimes decides to stop working, and the TV no longer turns on, but what's worse is when the heat sputters to a stop because the landlord already knows we won't be able to afford the bill.
Dropping my case to the dining room floor, in a fit of anger, I run my hand through my matted locks and pull, telling myself I'm giving the woman I love hell because I believed I was better than I actually was.
I believed I could give others entertainment, I believed people would actually want to see me in concert.
It's that believing that ruined me.
I mumble hateful words to myself as I stare down at my battered shoes, that have holes and don't even have the original color of black, now they're all muddy and in desperate need of a wash.
I'm a coward, with an idiotic dream, and y/n has to suffer from it.
I didn't notice her presence in our bedroom door way, not too far from where I'm standing considering the space of the place, until she clears her throat, probably to stop the gibberish only I can understand.
"What's wrong?" her expression is soft, it always is for me and it only makes me more angry, I don't deserve the kindness she's constantly feeding to me, I don't deserve any of it but here she is keeping her patience and devotion.
She's ruining herself, and she'll figure it out one day when a man with a suit shows her what living is like, actual living, not just getting by.
Hot tears gloss over my eyes and my face begins getting hot, this topic has always been a hard one for me to tackle.
"God I'm such a failure, I can't do anything for you, I can't support us, and you're stuck here and I'm so sorry," tears leak out of my eyes and I bring my hand from my hair to smudge them away, only feeling shame and sorrow.
"You think I see you as a failure?" she looks shocked, as if the money situation and where we live weren't good signs that I wasn't helping us thrive, and she makes her way over to me and holds onto my forearms, a reassuring move that always works on me.
"Why is this surprising to you? Don't you see y/n? We have nothing? I am nothing," the cracks in my voice are constant throughout my sentence, making what I'm saying even more horrid.
"You want to know what I see?" She looks deeply into my eyes, a gesture that instantly calms me, it's like the world stopped, "I see a man that has so much passion for what, and who he loves, that he goes out day after day working to make money, and do what he loves most, I see a man with a big heart and big dreams, and that's not nothing to me Shawn, that's everything."
Silent tears leave the corners of my eyes, as I just weakly smile, reminding myself that even though there's so much ugly in my world, I still have her as my source of beauty, as my source of hope.
"I just wish I could do more for you," I cup her cheeks and rest our foreheads together, "you could get any man that's filthy rich and it always puzzles me why you still come back to this dump."
"Baby," she coos, playing with my hair, "I don't come back to the apartment, I come back to you."
_____________________________________________________________________________________~Baby boy Shawn awEH. I missed you all and it's really late so sorry if there's grammar/spelling errors.
~Leah
