Y/n's POV:
Sitting on the couch in Shawn's living room, with Shawn standing up in front of me pacing, I awkwardly look down at the floor, trying to not show how genuinely terrified I am of having this current conversation.
He called me down a couple minutes ago and he won't stop walking, or looking like he's having the most deep thoughts of his life. It's not that I'm scared of talking to him, but his behavior is worrying me in the slightest. Even though his face reads all thought and seriousness, I can't help but feel a weird calm atmosphere in the room, which just adds to the confusion.
"You constantly look at how much your stomach is bulging," he stops his walking to make gentle eye contact, and if I'm not mistaken I'd say the concern that I read on his face is all for me, "I have to fight you to eat with me, and on top of that, you never like when my hands are wrapped around your waist." His tone holds hurt, and maybe disappointment, and my cheeks are burning with a blush that is probably making my face a tomato red.
"What are you trying to get at?" I shift uncomfortably, never realizing how much he sees, or how much he notices. My weight, my self image, has always been something I have had issues with, and I have been trying my best to hide my insecurities from him. After all, they are my own problems and I would just feel like a burden complaining about them all the time.
"You don't love yourself."
The heartbreak, the sadness Shawn's sweet voice carries, makes me almost feel bad for ever feeling the way I do about myself, seeing that none of this shouldn't even matter when I have someone that clearly loves me.
But it does matter, I can't look at myself without feeling a wave of disgust wash over me, and I'm sick of it. Not wanting to confirm if he's right or not, I just look away, already feeling tears burn in my eyes.
"I'm sorry it took me this long to figure it out," He shrugs, and chuckles an uncomfortable laugh that shows he's about as comfortable about this as I am with my own skin. I don't blame him though, I wouldn't know what else I would do to help Shawn if he were feeling as I am.
"I'm sorry you did find out," I mumble, covering my face with my hands, trying my hardest to fight the tears that are flooding my tear line.
"No, because now that I know, it's all so obvious to me now," seeing my attempts on not wanting to cry, he gets on his knees in front of me and takes my hands away from my face, "the mirror checking, the constant checking of the scale, the fact that when I want to be intimate with you, you always cover yourself up y/n and it hurts me."
Even though I'm not looking directly at him, I know that his face reads sincere, and his tone isn't failing to comfort me. Again, though, I'm confused considering that if anyone should be hurting it should be me.
"hurts you?" My voice is weak and cracked, but I clear my throat to try and help my vulnerable situation, "I don't understand."
Shawn cups my cheeks with his hands, and the man in front of me reads hopeful, from the way his eyes twinkle, to his body language, he looks hopeful...
hopeful for me.
"Yes darling, it hurts me, because if you saw yourself the way my eyes see you, you'd be the absolute most confident girl in the world, you'd love everything about yourself head to toe. But in your eyes, I don't know what you see and you're clearly not happy with it."
Kissing my cheek he pulls me into a hug, and I'm no longer fighting tears of sadness, but of overwhelming happiness.
"But Shawn I can't help it," I cry, clinging onto his shoulders wishing I could just learn to accept myself so I wouldn't have me being a constant concern for him, "I've tried for so long and I still can't."
Breaking the hug he grabs my hands and smiles, "I never knew how to approach this with you, because I knew it would be a little overwhelming, but I know I can't fix you, I cannot make you love yourself, no matter how beautiful I think you are," he pauses so he knows I'm listening and keeping up with the conversation, and I just nod with a shaky breath, "but I want to offer help y/n, I want to open doors for you so you can see all the self positive body thoughts you can have, I'll take you to therapists after therapists, I'll do whatever it takes."
my heart is practically throbbing with the love I'm receiving, and it is something I've been waiting for, for a long time.
"I just want to lose the weight you know?" I release his hands and wipe my tears, sniffling, trying to keep my composure.
"Yes, I understand," he begins rubbing my back soothingly, trying to relax me, "but I only want you losing the weight for your well being, your health, not because you think you're not good enough, not because you don't love your body, because that's going about it in all the wrong ways."
I nod, never feeling more grateful for shawn than in this small moment right now, for he has shown me what it's like to truly care for someone's well being, something no one has really shown me before.
"thank you," I hug him, wanting to hold him for forever, "thank you for wanting to try to fix this with me."
Burying his head in the crook of my neck he mumbles, "you will never have to fight battles like this alone."
_____________________________________________________________________________________~lowkey turned something that was cuter in my head to trash but I want you all to know that you deserve to be happy and never let anyone make you think otherwise. smile everyday because you can, because it's beautiful, because no one is quite like you:-)
