Y/n's POV
So many thoughts were racing through my mind, everything my mind would ponder was clouded and disoriented, and the risk of making the wrong decision for myself was too much for me to fathom.
So instead, I left, not for forever, but to take a walk, to clear my mind of all the confusion. My hair was blowing loose, something that didn't happen very often, my heels were scuffed from the fit of me taking them off, and my makeup was just a melted mess, knowing I'd get some confused looks from the people sharing the sidewalk.
New York City is beautiful at night, and it's nice to finally experience it rather than see it from my window, which got tiring very quick. I usually don't leave much, every thing I need being at the penthouse, but mostly, Shawn didn't want photographers taking pictures of me every second, but he didn't have the need to hire security.
It's all very isolating, making holding back the tears welling up in my eyes that much harder just thinking about that, but as I hug my arms tighter around myself, I start to wonder if I should go back and pack everything, and find an apartment to settle down in.
When we first started dating, I fell in love with a man that had so much passion for music that he'd stay in the studio until dawn, still not believing he did good enough, but the man that has taken over barely spends 2 hours, hiring people to write the music for him and plaster his name on it.
It all sickens me. I've been playing this game for far too long and almost all of me is ready to let it go, but I can't, I just can't stop thinking that maybe the passionate boy who stole my heart still exists, under all the expensive clothing and inflated ego.
out of the corner of my eye, a flash goes off, and I turn to see a man looking at the screen of his professional camera, examining the picture he just took, and I roll my eyes at the paparazzi. I don't care enough to ask him to delete it, or even have him show me, because really it won't be me that the picture hurts, but Shawn.
I can already see the headlines...
"Superstar Shawn Mendes' Wife Out Crying?"
I scoff angrily at the future pathetic excuse that he'll come up with to dismiss it at an interview.
"Oh yeah y/n just got upset because she knew I'd be leaving for tour soon,"
The thought just makes me want to lose it right there on the sidewalk, but god knows that there's never just one journalist around, but multiple ones just lurking for the right moment, where they can catch me off guard.
Lost in my self pity, it took me a minute to realize my phone was ringing. Sniffling I look at the contact and to my surprise it's Shawn.
He almost never calls me, always claiming he never has the time, but now that I'm not there to amuse him, he has nothing better to do.
With a shaky voice I answer, "Hello?"
"Y/n darling come back home, I want to talk about this," Shawn sounds frantic, mixed in with guilt and worry, which makes my heart warm up in the slightest to know he still might care.
But then my heart drops at the realization that he probably is just worried about Paparazzi pictures, and I almost hang up right then and there.
"I'm not coming back just so we can pretend nothing happened, and you go back to work and I'm stuck alone again. I want change and if you can't get it through your thick skull then don't even try to ask me to come back," Tears make their way down my cheeks but I quickly wipe them, sniffling, trying to contain my emotions.
"I'll change, everything will change I just need to make sure you're okay it's not safe there at night," There was a pause, and all that can be heard is Shawn's breathing and I wait patiently for him to continue, "a-and I don't want you to go to Ben&Jerry's without me."
There's a hint of smile at the end of his sentence and I try to contain my laughter and the speeding of my heart.
We went there on our first date to the city, over 3 years ago back when his guitar was his best friend, and after finding out I've never been to New York City he flew us down here for the day and one of the first places we went was Ben&Jerry's.
I let out a giggle, and my voice cracks which makes it apparent I've been crying, and he does the same.
"Shawn I didn't think you'd remember something as lame as that," I laugh, remembering the events of that beautiful first day he brought me on that trip, it was full of laughter and love, everything we've been missing lately.
"Are you kidding y/n? How could I forget? You went through your obsession with Mint chocolate chip ice cream that year and for some reason you thought the ice cream at the shop tasted better than any ice cream you've had anywhere else," I can tell he's radiating with happiness, sniffling every once and I while but what he just said was far more romantic than any luxury he could buy.
"Well I'd never go without you," I sigh, not feeling this content in a long while, wishing he was here right now with his arm around me just like it was that one night.
"So I guess what I'm asking," He sounds bashful, his old self gleaming through, "is if you'd like to go on a date with me tonight to Ben&Jerry's."
I throw my head back laughing, gasping sarcastically as I speak, "But Mr.Mendes have you seen what I'm wearing? I look like the cow on the label."
I get a beautiful laugh in return, and a sigh of relief that we're both acting like we used to when we were desperately in love, "you look far from it, I happen to find what you're wearing very flattering."
A thought comes to my head, that tempts me to say words we haven't exchanged in months, but a burst of confidence takes over and I blurt it,
"I love you."
The daydream tone I said it with was unintentional, but fit never the less.
there was a slight pause, signifying Shawn's surprise but with the same lost in the clouds voice I hear, "and I love you."
_____________________________________________________________________________________aW YAYAYAYAYY HAPPINESS, something that my imagines tend to lack.
~Leah
