Y/n's POV:
I park my car and look into my rear view mirror staring in disgust at my puffy read eyes. "One year," i whisper to myself, trying to keep composure.
I get out of my car sniffling, making my way through the rows and rows of graves, looking for the one I've been visiting what seems like everyday, but since work and college has me tied, I only have these once a month visits with him.
I stop abruptly coming across the marble stone with the engravings of "shawn mendes, loving son and brother."
I let out a cry sitting down in front of the beautiful stone, crushing the dead roses that were laid there by either Karen or Aaliyah.
"I miss you," i say, leaning my head on the grave, "there's not a day that goes by..." i trail off thinking of how many times I've said those words, not actually confessing what I've been meaning to say. I let out a cry and a shaky breath, beginning to trace circles on the delicate stone with my finger, "if i could switch places with you shawn you know I would."
I cover my mouth, trying to regain the ability to speak again. "And the worse part?" My voice coming out in squeaks and cracks, "I don't think I'll be able to do what you asked me too."
I'm talking as if he's right there, listening to me, and in a way it's comforting to know he might actually be doing so.
I lightly throw my head back with a sad sigh, getting lost in a trance of our memories..
******
"Shawn happy birthday!" I sang, shaking him to get up, "i can't believe my baby is 24," i squeal plopping on top of him.
He lightly pushes me off him so he can stand up, embracing me in a tight hug. "Y/n," he sighs, "I'm just getting older, I'm a really old man."
I laugh cupping his face, "maybe," i say with a shrug, "but you're my old man."
*******
I smile at the thought of his happy face staring back at me. Old man, thought to myself, baby if only you could've made it that far.
Tears are now streaming down my cheeks. He held me, he loved me, he cared, he was the only thing I had and things weren't supposed to End this way. We were supposed to be really old and sitting on a porch and laughing at our memories and taking care of grandkids and annoying the hell out of our children.
Just to think he died 2 weeks after turning only 24. The thing that killed me most, was that his mom found an engagement ring hidden under his clothes, with my name engraved on it with tiny letters, asking if I'd marry him.
I cover my watering eyes with my palms sobbing. We could've gone so far shawn, I think to myself, and I'm so sorry.
I look down to see the ring fitting perfectly, and beautifully on my finger. Yes shawn, I will marry you.
The vivid memory of everything that happened that dreadful day, I swear will haunt me for forever.
*****
"Shawn," i said sternly, "i mean it be careful they said the roads were supposed to be icy."
He crossed his fingers on his heart with a cheeky smile, "i promise, I'm just going to pick up Ian I swear I'll be right back."
He kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand.
*****
If only I knew that would be the last time I'd see him healthy, and not crippling in a hospital bed.
Right before he died he made me make promises, me already knowing I probably wouldn't be able to fulfill them. It was minutes before the doctors were going to turn off his breathing machine, him being so weak and dying so painfully slow. I was in the room alone with him, his mom barely being able to breathe from all the crying. My mind brings me back, remembering specifically what he said.
*****
"Y/n," he whispered, barely audible.
"Yes?"I said sobbing and squeezing his hand, doing my best to make him feel comfortable in his state.
"I need you to promise something.." His voice being so broken just makes me cry harder.
"Anything muffin, I swear." He slowly brings his hand to my cheek looking into my eyes, crying.
"Dont hurt for too long baby girl, I'll be happy, not as happy with you, that's for sure. But don't mourn y/n please."
I sob, "shawn I can't I love you," he pulls my head down weakly to his lips and kisses the top of my head.
"Just try.." everything went dead, the machinery keeping him Alive, and those were the last words he will ever say to me.
*******
I never thought I'd see the love of my life take his last breath so soon, and so suddenly. If that woman wasn't drunk and didn't drive he'd still be here, he would've picked up ian like he was supposed too and I wouldn't be here a mess.
As i sit here thinking and crying, an older woman approaches me reading his grave I suppose and just looks at me sympathetically.
"I'm sorry hun," she says with a sniffle, "was he your husband?" She motions towards my ring and I just sigh, "he was supposed to be..." i trial off not wanting to explain my loss.
"So young," she says sadly, "feel better yeah? He must've loved you lots to buy such a pretty ring."
With that the woman places a rose and slowly walks away, leaving me crying and clutching his grave like it was my only life line. Screw it, it is.
________________________________________~ this was requested by itsjustmeee1 and I hope you like it :")
~Leah
