(requested by redd_rosie hope you love it)
Laramie's POV:
"You're killing yourself," I breathe out, glancing over to Shawn who has the death stick in between his lips, breathing in the poisonous smoke of the cigarette.
Looking at nothing but the trailer park that sits in front of us, he grins, thinking that the fact that he's slowly ending his life is amusing.
"you and your hate for cigs Laramie, it's kinda cute," tapping the end of the cigarette I watch painfully as the ashes hit the damp grass, feeling nothing but the awkwardness that's circling around us.
"I just want you to have a future Shawn," The sincerity in my voice is so prominent, and everything in me hopes he'll see it.
"You know I'm not like you, My mom didn't get a stable job like yours did, and don't act like you're above this park, just because you finally have steady income," scoffing he drops the very thing that he says keeps him sane and crushes the heat with his battered shoes.
"Just because I'm moving doesn't mean I'll just stop caring about you, you're my best friend," I try to put my hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it off as if my touch is completely foreign to him.
"Then when will you accept there is no future for me? What do you expect from a 17 year old boy who has to have a crappy job to barely support him and his mom? I can't even afford college so what does a stupid habit like smoking matter anyways," angrily he flares his nostrils, shaking his head as if it would make everything disappear.
"Do you think it helps? Yeah so you have to have a job, and so what if your mom depends on you now for booze money, when you turn 18 do you want to be stuck here serving her for the rest of your life or do you want to go places? stopping the habit won't solve everything but it sure as hell isn't helping you either," I run my hand through my hair and take one last look around the dump that I used to call home, the place Shawn and I would spend all our time. It's our hangout, and it'll always be our hangout.
But ever since Shawn found out my life was finally heading in the direction I dreamed about, he became just as closed up as he was the first day I met him.
"Just let me do this okay? if I want to die 15 years early I can, there really isn't much to live for anyways," Shawn stands up and wipes his palms on his jeans, looking back and giving me a disgusted look that made my stomach churn.
"This is my last day here and you're just going to leave? I don't want my last day I have with you spent by you being mad at me," A lump in my throat threatens to weaken me in front of him, and I'm not sure I can handle that.
"Don't act like this is anything heartbreaking for you Laramie, in your new area, you'll make new friends, find a guy who adores you, but for me? I have no one, you were the only one who thought I was worth admiring over, and that's all over so let me get over it the way I want too," He presses his palms against his watering eyes but doesn't dare to look down at me, and begins walking.
"you know I'll never be as happy there as I was with you, but just please try for me, I want to have peace in knowing that you have hope for yourself," yelling through the distance Shawn has put between us makes my voice crack, for he is getting farther and farther away.
"Tell me how your happily ever after goes Laramie," He calls back, sounding choked up, which isn't something I hear very often, and won't for a long time, "because god knows I won't get mine."
_____________________________________________________________________________________aw poor shawn, I always mess with my own emotions writing these things.
~Leah
