Y/n's POV:
It's pouring rain outside, and that's the only thing I can focus on. Rain, although it's beautiful in every way, puts me in a mood that doesn't allow light to shed on any situation. It's almost as if if I were having the exact same problem on a sunnier day, or a sunnier month, I wouldn't be this distressed over it.
Maybe it's the fact that the clouds are a never ending gray and It's close to being dark out there, or maybe it's because all I can hear in my head is Shawn's sweet voice saying, "Babygirl, even the sky has to cry sometimes."
Little poetic spurts that his beautiful mind would come up with, had me hooked, and he would always blame it on the fact that he writes songs and the only way he can see the world is through different eyes. I believed him, because he always saw things in different light and I guess that's a quality I would have to admire him for.
For a while, the song writing excuse as to why he was out so late worked. It worked for a long time, him coming home and taking off his flannel, apologizing, hugging me, and going upstairs for maybe a cuddle session or just straight to bed. But the hugging bothered me, it was almost like he was pained to do it, pained to wrap his arms around me and embrace me. The worst thing is that for me, it wasn't painful at all. The entire day all I daydreamed about was being able to hold my baby again, and to listen to him rant about his day and maybe complain about things that he thought to be unfair.
That's the type of conversation I live for, ones that to other people wouldn't be so important, but for me, mean everything.
Even something as little as, "The coffee they brewed at the studio wasn't strong enough," had me smiling.
I see his jeep pull into the drive way, and a wave of dread overtakes me. I would be fine just gazing out the window, remembering times where he managed to make me happy, but now I have to face a completely different side of him that I wish would just go away.
Shawn quickly rushes out of his car, lugging his Taylor guitar with him, and I make my way to the kitchen, looking through the fridge, feeling a lump becoming more and more prominent in my throat.
Running through the door I hear him sigh, wipe off his shoes, place his guitar down, rip his flannel off to reveal a tight looking button up that shows off his muscles beautifully, and make his way to the kitchen, feeling his eyes burn at me from behind.
"How was work?" I say with no emotion, knowing that it wasn't a new album he was working on, but a new romance with one of the women who work there.
I glance over my shoulder to see him keeping his focus on his phone, me already knowing Shawn never feels comfortable making eye contact when he lies to me. That becomes an often occurence especially when I say I love you and I can't look into his eyes when he returns those three meaningless words.
"It was alright," Shrugging he roams his way around the kitchen, keeping a distance from me, not wanting any particular affection.
I turn my gaze back to the fridge, not knowing how to bring this up to him, his affair, when I don't have any proof to back myself up, but then I take a double take, my eyes finding something purple resting on his neck.
"I knew it." I slam the fridge door shut, turning around, facing him head on, with red eyes that are burning with tears, "god I was just waiting for the moment where you gave yourself away."
"damn it y/n piss off," all of Shawn's muscles tense, knowing I've caught him, but the way he blows me off is what bothers me the most.
"Piss off? Is that what you want me to do? I'm pretty sure I deserve better than for you to say that to me when I've been sitting here for weeks waiting at home, for you to just arrive with someone else's love bites covering your neck. Shawn if anyone should piss off it would be you." Through out my entire rant tears are streaming down my face. There's not enough words to describe the hurt I'm feeling.
"It's not my fault the woman had more to offer, don't be a jealous bitch." He's breathing furiously, his face going from pale to a deep red.
I know what he's saying isn't out of anger, because I know the both of us have been wanting to say these exact words to each other for the longest time.
"Do you understand how much I was willing to do for you? God shawn you had me wrapped around your finger," A strangled sob leaves my lungs, feeling vulnerable revealing how much I actually cared for this beautiful man that I believed loved me.
"y/n it's not my fault you can't recognize when something is broken, I stopped caring long before now." His eyes are no longer a caramel brown, but a darker shade, one that's more like an oak tree's bark.
I would take these words more to heart but I swore I saw tears gloss his eyes, and the eye contact no longer being kept, for his eyes diverted.
"I know we've been going through a patch in our relationship but I didn't think that was any excuse to go and cheat on me." I wipe my eyes and practically collapse my back into the island counter in defeat.
"I wanted to be loved y/n," His voice cracks, and he breaks down right then and there with me, "you think I actually wanted someone else to look at me like that? I just wanted the affection you weren't willing to give."
"This isn't my fault," I begin yelling, his words infuriating me, "you are the one who started acting distant first."
"Because anything I did was never good enough for you, one of the reasons our relationship started failing in the first place was because there was always something for you to complain about." His muscles are no longer tensed, and the last time I saw him this upset was when he didn't sleep for almost 4 days and he couldn't take the stress anymore.
Silence falls on the both of us, with rain pattering in the background, both of us not knowing what to say.
"I never wanted it to be you," He takes a deep, shaky breath, "I never wanted to fall out of love with you, but don't ever just blame the reason why I'm leaving tonight on me."
_____________________________________________________________________________________~lmao did this even make sense???
~Leah
