( trigger warning please read with caution of your own feelings)
Sim's POV:
"What a whore,"
"What makes her believe she deserves him?"
"I heard she cuts."
"He doesn't have time for a needy bitch."
"There's better out there."
I scroll through my twitter recents, cringing at every hateful and brutal tweet and judgment that flows on my screen. I place my palm on my forehead taking a deep breath, crouching more into my knees on the spot on the floor.
Always me, I thought, it always has to be me.
After maybe reading 10 more comments that are meant to intentionally hurt me, my bruised emotional state starts to give out, allowing tears to slip down my cheek.
"God," i whisper, turning off the dreadful device with a click and tossing it across the room. I've been warned too many times by shawn to not even check recents, to let them slip by and pay no mind to the rumors that are being constantly spread around.
"Babygirl," he would say, kissing my forehead, "they get bored and have nothing better to do than to try to make you sad."
It works, they know damn well it works. Almost everything in me wants to delete my twitter account, my instagram, any source of social media, but what would that show? That I'm weak? That I let every dagger like pain reach me to the point where I can't even face it?
No.
Never.
Having these episodes shows weakness that I never want to show to them, being vulnerable to the masses is like running around with a diary through a crowd. It's too open, and I'm not strong enough to keep it away.
Then I look up, something I almost never do anymore, and look in the body mirror in front of me showing a reflection that makes me sick. Quite frankly it would make anyone sick but I'm stuck in the room with myself.
It shows a helpless girl hunching over her knees, which are pulled to her chest, makeup melting like the world around her, and red puffy eyes that were once delicately decorated with makeup.
"One month clean doll, I'm so proud of you," he said these encouraging words to me, praising me that I kept my promise.
But some promises are meant to be broken right?
This one, was meant to be broken.
I get up, tired of looking at the thing that's supposed to resemble me in the mirror, and make my way to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door. Even though shawn's in the basement working quietly, yet intensely on his paperwork, being able to walk in any moment he chooses.
I see a disposable razor and break off the top, watching the light reflect off of the blade as i twirl it around delicately in my fingers.
Beautiful, I think to myself, insanely smiling, just beautiful.
I bring the precious piece of metal up to my wrist, tracing lightly the line I want to make, resembling something of a cat scratch, and then plunge the sharp item over and over up my forearm.
Blood streaming down like a river, tears falling down my cheeks from the scary, yet satisfying pain.
"Sim what the hell?" I hear shawn behind me, making me gasp and drop the blade in the small trash can next to the sink.
I was so caught up in what I was doing I didn't even hear him come up.
"Sh-shawn i'm," i begin to shake, crying and not knowing what to do with myself.
"Sim you were doing so well," His nose flares as his eyes become red and glossy, trying to keep himself from tears, "what happened."
He pulls me in a hug as i cry, grabbing band aids and wetting a washcloth to help fix my injuries.
"I couldn't take it," my knees go weak, so he holds my weight up using his chest and arms. My wails are louder than ever.
"No, no, shhh, it's okay," rubbing my back shawn sits me on the toilet seat. Going to work on my cuts, "you'll be okay, alright?"
"I-i promised you, a-and I didn't keep it," i stutter, covering my mouth.
"Shhh don't think about that"
"I regret it shawn I shouldn't have, you were right, they get bored." I fall into him, causing him to hold me again.
"You read the hate? Sim no you can't, you can't do that." He picks me up bridal style and lays me in bed, climbing in after me.
"I'm not sure darling when you'll be okay, but we can do this, I know we can so don't give up on me just yet okay?"
"I love you," i whisper, before falling asleep safely in his arms.
________________________________________~ this was requested by Im_a_luke_girl_ and I hope you enjoyed
~Leah
