Y/n's POV:
I take my eyes off the flickering screen, which consists of random gunshots from the action movie I unwillingly had to watch, and take in the pitch blackness that is seen from outside the living room window.
Shawn's arm is lazily wrapped around me as we both lay on our sides, my back pressed up against his chest, and our cheeks resting atop each other.
My phone lights up on the coffee table in front of us and I slowly reach my arm out checking the notification, seeing it's just a snapchat from my cousin, I glance further up the screen to see it's almost 3 am.
"Y/n?" Shawn croaks, his voice sounding raspy from the lack of it being used. It's been hours since we've even exchanged words with each other.
Cautiously, I reply with a "yes?"
The atmosphere of the room fills with pure awkwardness, making goosebumps appear on my arm. For the past week, the week Shawn was finally able to come and visit after a period of four months, we haven't been talking. Everything we've done is all too passive, seeing each other and just doing our routine, but never really communicating. I can't seem to get past the hurt I endured while he was away, for there wasn't much contact between the two of us and I decided not to bring it up.
"why is everything so...," he pauses, taking a deep breath, already knowing that I know what he's about to try and discuss with me, "so different?"
"Because," I whisper, feeling the lump in my throat develop, and the sting of my eyes worsen, "things are dying."
After pointing out what we both know has been going on, in some ways, I feel as if the room went silent, even though the tv still proceeds to play.
I could never think of what I did for him to feel as if he didn't need to text me while he was away or even call, it was worse when I was sitting at the airport gate and when we finally met, and I gave him the hug I craved and needed, he seemed to have pushed me away.
"I don't know why," Shawn sighs, getting out of our cuddling position, the feeling being mutual between the two of us that it just didn't feel right. He moves down the couch and stands up, using his hand to cup the back of his neck while he looks down, almost shamefully.
"Because of that," I refer to him getting up, and I prop myself up using my forearms, just staring at him, realizing tonight may be the last night that I'll get to see his beauty, "you push me away Shawn, and I wish I knew why, but part of me," I want to cry even admitting it, "doesn't care."
His eyes immediately dart to mine, the caramel browns piercing with hurt, "You don't care?"
I close my eyes running through every pained thought that's racing through my mind, trying to push away the ones of what things used to be like. We used to be each others drug, living off of communication and love, and that's the way I thought it would stay.
"I didn't say that right," my voice sounds strained, every word I'm saying is like a dagger to my heart, "I mean, it's almost like nothing feels right anymore. I can't find myself wanting to fix it."
Just then, Shawn's eyes soften, finding assurance that we both think the same thing.
"Man," he says, letting out a long and sad breath, "I didn't think I'd ever fall out of love so, so," He looks at the ceiling, debating whether he should really say what we're both feeling, "quickly."
"4 months," a tear slowly makes its way down my cheek, "that's not quickly."
I'm not sure whether I'm crying for the relationship that we used to have, or the broken one we have now.
"I'm so sorry about that," he awkwardly shifts on his feet, something I haven't seen in a while, "I didn't want to ignore you like that but anything I would type, I felt as if I was lying."
"It's okay," I try and brush it off, looking in any direction but his, "I didn't make much effort in trying to talk to you too."
Seeing Shawn's eyes gloss over with tears make more leave my eyes, this whole conversation being a mess.
"I can tell I've hurt you," His voice cracks, and my arms give out making me plop on the couch, my gaze on the ceiling, "and that's something I never wanted to do."
"I should probably go," I let out a mix between a sigh and a sob, not sure if I'm actually ready to let go of someone that I used to love so much, "we don't need another day of pretending like there's nothing wrong."
"Yeah," He mumbles with a sniffle, feeling the same pain as I am right now, loss.
"Thank you," I mutter as I get up from the couch, running a hand through my hair, "for making me so happy for so long." I smile, remembering all the times he has been there for me when I needed it the most.
"you too," fiddling with his buttons he takes more steps back, trying not to show me how hurt me may be, or any of his emotions in general.
Falling out of love is as strong as falling in it, but knowing you lost someone long before you left is a torture that I will always endure.
_____________________________________________________________________________________WTF IS THIS OH NO I'M SORRY
~Leah
