Shawn's POV:
"Don't lie to me man, do you think I'm stupid?" Ian, my childhood friend, breaks the silence in the air, and confronts me head on, and I cant help but to feel relieved.
Sitting on our lawn chairs right next to my pool, at my relatively new house, should feel relaxing but theres a shadow that's quiet and no one ever speaks of it, but it dampens the mood on everything.
Without turning his head to look at me, Ian swigs his beer and continues to look at the still water, that not even the wind is touching.
"Lie to you about what?" I follow his gaze and begin to feel small talking about my emotions, this is new to me. Bottling everything up is easy and I never unscrew the cap.
"Ever since what happened, youre so quiet, do you even go out anymore?" His tone tells me that he's insulted. Insulted that it took me months to call, that we no longer went to go get drinks, that i dont make visits to him and his wife, but I can't seem to find it in me to care.
"I dont particularly enjoy going out anymore, but what does that have to do with lying," Now I'm looking at him, even though the gesture isnt returned, I just dont feel right looking at my best friend while being so vulnerable.
"You say you're fine," it's like i can hear him roll his eyes, "you put on this act that says 'i have money, she was just a girl, rich guys dont get sad' type thing and I'm sick of it. You cant even tell your best friend you're hurting."
"Opening up to people just backfires on me ian, they just fucking leave, but they use everything I tell them to make their leaving more painful, they stomp on all my damn secrets and don't care." all the muscles in my body tense over the reminder of how betrayed I feel, and humilated I remain.
Nothing can make what happened to me easier.
"So shawn, youre telling me because one girl, y/n, cheated on you, youre just going to stop living? Trusting?" He puts emphasis on her name and everything in me shrivels.
"I had a ring Ian, a fucking ring," I'm no longer leaning back in my chair with ease, but propping my elbows on my knees to make cradeling my head easier.
"Buy another one! For a different lousy girl!" He laughs menacingly, slamming his beer down on the table between us.
He's acting like something like that is easy, as easy as buying more milk, or using a microwave, and it makes my frustration with my friend increase.
"Do you understand?" My tone raises, something y/n always hated but I cant help it, "she was it for me, she will always be it for me. I thought i found her. Jesus mistake after mistake and I find one safe person and she screws me over!"
Tears are burning and fighting their way out but I refuse to let them get their way, and the shadow of her is slowly taking over, blocking out sunlight, blocking out everything I thought i had left.
"If you thought," now he's standing up, getting ready to leave like she did, "that i came here just to have a couple beers with painful conversation you're wrong. I was trying to fix you. But i'm done shawn, you need help, professional help, and I'm not going to sit around and watch my best friend ruin himself. Have a good life man."
I don't care to register the porch door slam, or the grinding of the tires against my driveway, I just sit alone, cradeling my pounding brain with shaking hands.
But its always funny when people leave just when you need them the most, when youre ruining yourself, when there's almost nothing left to destory, thats when...
Thats when the beer and the talking becomes unbearable.
________________________________________wtf why did you cheat on him whats wrong with you, youre a sick person.
~leah
Have a good day!!!!
