Y/n's POV
"Hey this is shawn, sorry I cant get to my phone right now, I'll try my best to return your call,"
My cheeks burn red with increasing anger while I wait for the beep that will yet again, que me to leave another message.
"Shawn," I sigh, trying to control emotions bubbling up inside me, threatening tears that I dont want leaving my eyes, "I left the restaurant, I'm home now, I don't know where the hell you are, and a phone call would be nice."
Clearing my throat I slowly set down my phone, suppressing emotions while trying to figure out if I'm going to blow up on him when he gets home or not even bother to say anything.
He forgot our date, again.
It seems that anytime we have something planned, he always backs out of it or forgets because he has work, or he's stressing, or can't fit the time.
But he called and made the reservation, posponed the date until 8 o'clock, and to make matters worse, had to back out on watching a movie with our daughter.
Sitting at our counter with a glass of wine thats too full, I just stare ahead, not blinking, slowly watching to see my vision go fuzzy, while tears streak my makeup.
I no longer feel comfortable or confident in the dress I am wearing, but rather stupid, at the fact I tried so hard to make myself look my best, but it all backfired.
Everything I do is for him and my daughter, and I can't bear to see us slowly distancing ourselves.
This isnt how its supposed to be, I shouldnt be alone again this late, and he shouldve called by now.
Giving up on the whole waiting by the door tactic, I head upstairs and strip from my dress and heals, let down my hair, and slip into the shower, the warmth of the water cooling me down slightly.
Its hard to notice tears when they're being washed away, which makes showers more enjoyable for me, feeling vulnerable isnt an issue if the one thing that displays the insecurity isnt visable.
Then I cripple, the soft crying not being enough to express all I feel, so I slump against the wall, heaving air.
"God why," I mumble to myself, the weight of tonight being too much for me to carry.
And almost as if it was planned, I hear a knock at the bathroom door, and I get a slight whift of a familiar cologne, and in an instant I want to to run and hide.
"Y/n? Baby are you in there?" Shawns voice is deep and heavy with exhaustion, laced with guilt and sorrow, and all that can be heard is the shower faucet.
I hold my breath from saying anything, and stand so still I wonder if I'll pass out if i keep my knees locked this tight for much longer.
A labored breath comes from the other side of the door, "I forgot," he sounds as choked up and confused as I do, "and you didnt do anything, and its a lame excuse for my absence, and Im sorry, jesus I fucked up pretty bad didnt I?"
Its almost like I can hear his eyebrows furrowing and his thumb and pointer finger smoothing out the wrinkled skin, with his eyes closed.
I let out my breath, and turn off the shower, scared I'll make him feel worse than he already does if I talk. But I can't help myself, I'm never good at biting my toungue.
"N-no its just," I slowly step out of the shower and peek at my melted makeup in the mirror, "I was looking forward to tonight, thats all."
Maybe it was the wrong time, but Id be lying if i said the world didnt feel ten times lighter.
"God I know," I hear a pained chuckle as I slip on a bathrobe, "I saw the dress you wore on the floor, my favorite, if only I couldve seen you."
I look at the floor and smile, remembering all the compliments I usually recieve from him if I'm wearing that specific dress.
"Dont worry, I've looked better," I sniffle and attempt to try and hide the voice cracks.
"I would promise another date but why on earth would you trust me to even be there, I'm such a bastard."
This is the part that hurts the most, hearing him bash himself over something I shouldve just forgotten, something that I shouldve let go. Out of all the problems he endures I didnt need to add onto it. Im supposed to be safe, and not problematic.
I quickly open the door to be faced with the sight of shawns back, thats being covered by a wrinkled, button up, white shirt, and I sigh.
Turning around he looks crushed, as if gravity increased, and faster than I couldve imagined, I'm being pulled into an embrace, one that speaks levels of love.
"You're my bastard," wheezy laughs leave my lungs as I grip him tighter than I have in a long time, "but its okay because Im annoying, we work together."
I crack his mood, his shoulders shaking from his laughter that is signifigantly quieter than mine.
"Ah i bet you looked amazing though, and Im so sorry to have missed it." He leaves light kisses on the side of my neck and I close my eyes.
"You shouldve seen the langerie," I pull back from the hug and raise my eyebrows in amusement.
"Damn," he mumbles, "to think that instead I was forced to sit at a desk while stomaching takeout makes me want to scream."
And then we just stand there, my hands on his forearms and his on my cheeks and its the kind of silence that could lull you to sleep, that could stop the whole world.
"Ill try again, we'll start over, I promise, and i'll never break that promise."
________________________________________my beautiful cuddly wuddly little babies how have you been? Im not sure if i did this yet but thanks to sugarshawn i have bomb ass covers:-)
~leah
