Y/n's POV:
Silent.
Silent is all this room is with just me and shawn sitting in it, the tension rising and bubbling, feeling as if someone is going to explode under all the unsaid words swarming around us.
Does he hate me?
Probably.
Only dim lighting coming off from the fireplace, even looking at him, I cannot see where his eyes rest to be looking. If I had to take a guess I'd guess he's looking at the car keys, getting ready to grab them and go.
So I decide to look away and see the dancing flames swarm around in the stone cage, the view relaxes me and makes me forget for a couple of seconds that I could be losing the one I love.
I begin shaking, I hate knowing that there are words that need to be screamed but instead we are kept in a deathly but thrilling silence. Shawn would never break before I, for he aches for me to say something, I can see it in his body language.
"If you actually decide to leave," i murmur, knowing he'll be able to hear because of just the crackling of the fire being the only sound in the entire house, "Just know it won't be different than anyone else who has. You know, you think you love someone and then everything just gets screwed up." I begin playing with my finger tips in my lap, concentrating on his heavy breathing.
"I just don't understand," he confides, voice low as if he's telling a secret, "h-how things can be so ruined y/n." The break in his voice makes me breathe out shakily.
"When I said I was leaving," he wipes his hands down his face sighing, "i just said that because I was mad, a-and angry at myself for causing half of the fights we've been having for months now and I-i'm trying. Just please don't give up on me baby girl I'm begging with everything in me."
I don't dare to look at him, I'm just going to get pulled into fake hope, and fake love, god I think months of that was enough.
"If you won't leave," i start, silent tears streaming down my face, "then I will."
He lets out a squeaky sob laying down away from me on the couch crossing his arms over his stomach making it seem as if he's holding himself together.
"We had promises," he cries, stuffing his head in a pillow, sobs and sniffles still audible even through the thick material, "they can't just be broken."
"Now you sound like me." I say in a melancholy tone thinking through the words I should say, "i begged shawn remember? I would say 'but shawn you promised this and you promised that,' " I scoff through my tears, "and it all was bull shit to you shawn." I wipe my eyes with my sleeve still looking away from him.
"This relationship was bull shit to you."
________________________________________~see I told you it goes from crappy to decent and I'm kind of proud of this one. Guys thought is getting no reads so I just don't understand
~Leah
