Y/n POV:
I sit in me and Shawn's too big house, alone, staring blankly at my untouched glass of redwine. My eyes begin to tear up, but I quickly wipe them alway with the palms of my hands.
I always find myself alone, a few tears slide down my cheeks at the thought. I knew marriage was hard but this is rediculous.
I sniffle and grab my phone from my purse and hit shawn's contact to call him. The phone rings 3 times before he picks up, sounding completely tired, and annoyed.
"Hello?" His voice is raspy, probably waking up from a nap. God knows where he's sleeping.
"2 weeks," i say through gritted teeth, anger completely overtaking sadness. "2 weeks since I have heard from you, 2 weeks since you've been home, you get home from tour and I get 2 weeks of nothing. Where the hell are you shawn?" My anxiety starts kicking in, I always panic in these situations and I shouldn't have to be nervous talking to my own husband.
I hear him sigh loudly and over dramatically, "y/n, do you want me to say it again?" The cruelty in his voice scares me even more and my hands begin to shake.
"Say what? More bullshit?" My voice is shaky and clearly not confident. He preys off of that, knowing he has complete control over my emotions.
"I know you cheated, don't give me that. I hope you don't think I'm that dumb." His voice drops out of anger and tears stream down my face.
Can I even fix this?
"What do I have to say," i begin to sob, "what do I have to do to have you believe me?"
He laughs cruelly and says with sarcasm, "have me belive what?"
I let out a whimper of hurt, "that I love you," before I continue I hear his voice hitch, "and that I'd never not be faithful to you. I thought you knew I wasn't like that." The last part came out as a whisper and I stare down at my shaking hands, and shift uncomfortably in my seat.
I hear him sigh, I don't know if it's out of sadness or anger but it's loud, "y/n, do you want to know the saddest part of this situation?" He pauses and I hear is breathing. I stare back at the glass of wine pondering if i should even let him say it.
"What," i say shakily, bracing myself for the answer.
"That I can't believe you."
I let out a sob and cover my mouth.
"Y/n I loved you, I would have done everything and anything for you. I almost feel bad that you still love me because the feeling isn't mutual. I need someone that I trust that won't go out and screw another guy just because I'm away. I figured it was all about the sex with you." He laughs out of anger and hurt, completely giving up on me and this relationship.
I breathe out and sob into my hand that's covering my mouth. "S-shawn p-please," i beg barely being able to control my breathing, "you need to believe me."
"But I cant," Maybe I'm delirious but I thought I heard him get choked up.
"I'm so sorry," I'm uncontrollably sobbing, "i don't understand why this had to happen to me, i-i can't live with this." I'm doubled over, consumed in my sobs and I can hear him crying as well.
"And babygirl," i cringe at his old nickname for me, "you don't have too. We're going our separate ways, you don't even have to look at me again."
"NO!" I scream into the phone, not believing I could cry any harder.
"SHAWN YOU'RE EVERYWHERE!" I scream and I hear a sniffle, just barely there. "YOU THINK I CAN ESCAPE THIS? AND PRETEND THAT THE ONE I LOVE NEVER LEFT ME?"
I'm a mess, my vision becomes blurry, and I can barely talk anymore.
"Bye y/n.." His voice trails off and I just breathe out another chest killing sob.
I hear the line go dead and I throw my phone and run into his music office screaming and throwing guitars I bought him on the floor in rage.
The same old memory of when we were 17 rushing through my head of us being all over each other completely honest about how we felt with each other. Honest to God we were in love and now I just don't know what happened.
Too much happened.
________________________________________~if i took a moment to actually picture myself in this conversation I'd hate myself more than I already do.
~Leah
