Shawn's POV: (damn I've been doing this a lot lately)
"If you already are positive, I dont understand why you're holding back," with Brian looking at me with empathy from accross the counter, I instantly start to panic, and begin craving something I know won't help.
Alcohol.
"I just," running my hands through my hair, I pray it will bring me somewhere else, somewhere where I don't have to explain my vulnerable points, but I give up, knowing it won't work, "I don't know, dealing with it? Her leaving."
Mumbling doesn't make me look strong, but losing her breaks my back, my foundation of thoughts crumbles at the mere thought.
I love her.
I always have loved her.
Sighing with pitty, Brian tries his best to read me, to understand me, but my walls are too thick.
"So what's your plan Shawn? You're going to let y/n cheat on you while you're away, and you're just going to pretend like everything's okay?"
Brian's failing to keep his voice hushed, because in this quiet house that holds an echo, y/n's sleeping soundly upstairs, with no clue that I know.
I know she's been sleeping with a man I fail to recognize.
I know her spark for me has died.
"I need her," my eyes burn and run dry, and I try to swallow with my dry mouth, never feeling more uncomfortable in my life.
"Shawn I'm not going to let you crash and burn like this," he leans fowards on his forearms on the counter, avoiding eyecontact, with a puzzling look on his face.
"Why? Why hold onto her? Why let her get away with it?"
I rub my eyes, refusing to cry.
"Because Brian I need someone to love, and for them to love me back, even if its fake, and someone to hold me, and ask about my day even though they don't care, and pretend they know me when they don't, I need a sense of security."
The room falls silent, the two of us realizing how pathetic I truly am, and all I feel is shame.
"But shawn why settle for fake? When there's someone out there who truly loves you?" His voice shows signs of comfort and I almost lose it right then and there.
"Because I've been alone before, and if I've learned anything, I know that having something as an illusion of the real thing is better than nothing."
________________________________________~lol ik its bad but i fail to care whats good?
~leah
