BTS Imagines

Namjoon ~ Running Away

video credits to Bangtan Soldier|YT

Y/N was crying again and I can't help but feel guilty. Can I do it? Tell her the truth? That I was the cause of her accident? The reason why she can't walk anymore?

She'll hate me.

I'm so afraid of that. I don't want to see her eyes full of hatred when she looks at me. I just can't do it but I don't want to see her like this either. I don't even know which would cause me more agony; seeing her destroy herself or living and knowing that I'm the reason why she's ruining herself.

"Y/N." I called her name but she wouldn't face me. She was ashamed of her tears, the tears that doesn't know when to stop. "You can't be like this forever, Y/N."

"Leave me alone." She said, a pang of pain arose from my chest after hearing her broken voice.

"Let me help you, Y/N. Don't push away people who care for you." I tried again, maybe this time she'll open her heart and listen to me.

"I said leave me alone!" She cried, sobbing even harder as she bury her face on her frail hands, "What do you know, Namjoon? You don't know how I feel! You don't know how it feels to have your whole life get taken away from you in just a blink of an eye."

My knees felt so weak, hearing those words from her, seeing her lose all her faith. All the dreams she once told me, all gone just because of a mistake I made. I wanted to help but I don't know where to start. I can't even do anything for her. "I'm sorry. I don't know how it feels. I wish I did."

"Get out." She pointed at the door.

My heart wavered as I stared at the door. I took one step closer to her. What would happen if I tell her the truth? I wish I could just tell her but every time I see her I just can't bring myself to do it. I was supposed to protect her. I had one job; to make her happy, but I let her down. I screwed up. I love her so much, so much that I'm breaking inside. I can't forgive myself. I don't want to. How can I do this to you? How can I break you like this when I'm supposed to keep you safe?

I wrapped my arms around her fragile figure for the last time. She didn't push me away, she didn't even move a finger. Her broken spirit was all that's left of her. Once a masterpiece, now she was just an empty canvas. I knelt in front of her, looking into her blank eyes, "Y/N. Listen." Her hand felt so thin in mine, "I'm going away for a while." She didn't respond. Her beautiful porcelain face was like undisturbed water, anything I say can't even get through to her brick wall. "I'm not abandoning you. I just have some things to sort out.."

Not a word as I reached out to hug her. I pulled away and saw a tear roll down her cheek. Y/N was in there somewhere, waiting for me to save her but I couldn't. I don't know why I'm so scared. I softly wiped her tears away before walking away and never looking back. I love you, Y/N, but I have no right to tell you that anymore.

I lost the right to love you.

...

I went back to my hometown. I work at a convenience store in the day and the gasoline station during the night. Now here I am, walking alone by the beach when I could've been with you, holding your hand, encouraging you, protecting you. I'm barely hanging on without Y/N but the thought of her having a happy life without me is a much better choice.

Are you still waiting for me?

I ended another letter, placing it in a box along with the other letters I wrote to her. These letters that contains all my feelings and thoughts while I was away from her. These letters that I couldn't send to her. I'm encapsulated by my fear of losing her but I guess I already did.

What am I supposed to do now? My life's at a dead end. I can't be happy without her. I want to go back, to come home to her. What am I doing here?

"Hey, Namjoon, we're going for a drive, when does your shift end?" Jin asked as he pulled over by my workplace.

"I can't bail. I'm covering for a friend today but I'll call you guys when I'm done." I popped a lollipop in my mouth, "Diesel?"

"Man, you've been working out hard. Keep it up and you'll burn yourself out." J-hope added after returning from the bathroom.

"Nah. I'm fine." I flashed them a smile as I gave Jin's change, "I don't have anything to do at home anyway."

Suga threw an envelope at me, "What's this?" I asked them but they only answered with their grins, these rascals. "No seriously, what is this? If this is money, I won't take it."

"Just open it hyung." Jimin beamed at the envelope, "We worked hard for that."

Suga smiled as he pat my shoulder. "Go home, Namjoon. She's waiting for you, right?"

"Go home and pack your bags!" said Taehyung from the back of Jin's pick up.

"You idiots." A smile surfaced upon my lips. "Thank you."

...

I set my foot down on the familiar path we used take. A thousand memories of you going through my head. A year already passed but I don't know what to expect. Half of me wanted to see you and half of me just wanted to disappear. I'm still not over my own feelings of guilt. Am I ever going to get over it?

Your apartment looked the same, maybe because I'm seeing it with the same eyes, maybe I'm still blinded by the past that I'm denying it. I don't know. All I hear is my own heart thumping inside the little space in my chest.

I'm standing in front of your door. It's funny, everything felt like it all just happened yesterday and that I'm just coming home from a long day of work. What should I tell you? Should I explain first or apologize first?

"Namjoon?" You gasped, dropping your bags of groceries on the floor.

"Y/N." Finally, I can say your name again without feeling hatred for myself. An apologetic smile formed on my lips and your eyes began tearing up. You took a wobbly step closer towards me, then another, until you were running and was finally in my arms.

"Where were you?" You hit my chest weakly as the tears came again, "Where have you been all this time, Namjoon?"

"I'm sorry." Was all I could say to ease my own heart. "Y-You can walk?"My knees buckled at the realization and I fell on my knees with you in my arms. It was like a huge thorn was taken out of my chest and for the first time, my mind was cleared of all my worries. My hands trembled as I held you closer to me, "Oh God. I'm so relieved. "

"Idiot." You cried harder as you clutched on my clothes tighter. "I'm more relieved to see you again. I thought you really left, Namjoon."

"Why would I leave the woman I love?" I pulled away and felt your warm cheeks with my cold hands, "I told you I just needed to sort some things out, remember? I'm sorry if I scared you.. I hope I'm not too late."

You shook your head no and flashed me your pretty smile, "I'm just so happy you came back for me. Just don't disappear on me again."

A/N: Thanks so much for the 3k votes guys! O M G I LOVE U ALL!! <3