BTS Imagines

Jin ~ Madness

I don't want to hurt you..

I thought I was losing my breath. I tossed and turned over my sheets. I thought they were strangling me in my sleep but when I awoke, they weren't.

The air was freezing as dusk soon became morning. I was sweating; cold sweats they haunted my face, stuck to my skin, to my neck. I stood up and threw my shirt somewhere. The mirror mimicked my same face but something was different. I knew something was different.

Something was in me, in my mind. I'm a mess. I cupped my hands and caught the gushing water from the faucet, splashing it on my face and then roughly running a hand through my hair. It cleared my mind a little but a little didn't help. I need to remove everything.

The noise was getting louder; unbearable as it sunk into my skin. Everything was too loud but slowly they faded away as I shot them out one at a time if not all at once until they were all just background music to me. Voices becoming whispers and whispers becoming thoughts.

I can't stop.

She was still there. Her voice was urgent; same as she was in my dream. I closed my eyes and listened to something I can't see. Was she real? A hand wrapped around her fragile neck. I watched her as if it was my hands that was strangling her. She cried for help but she's not going anywhere. There was no one to save her. And just when she was revealing herself, my ear rang. I couldn't control it. It was tuning itself out.

She was gone.

I spent most of my vacation lying in bed or if I wasn't in my room, suspended in my bed, I would be anywhere but outside. I hated being outside where all the people are because they were loud. They're feeling and emotions are alive and I can hear them all. Every single one of them with their own tone.

Just as every person had a specific finger print generated by their DNA, to me, each one of them had a distinct tone that distinguishes them from being the same. I didn't know when I started to be like this but I knew one thing, it was permanent.

I can't die. No. I couldn't die. My body won't let me. I tried but all was in vain. There was something in me, in my body that allowed me to heal myself. I didn't need anything but sleep and when I wake up I have made a full recovery. No trace of anything. I look at the mirror and see the same miserable me.

I didn't know that she was real. I didn't think she was real but she was here. Alive. I'm not going crazy. The voices in my head, her voice, they were real.

Help me

I hear her again even when I'm just two tables away from her. She was calling out to me. Was she not aware of it?

*

You run your hand in his hair. He was sleeping quietly in your lap. You wondered how long it would last. He opened his eyes and you sent him a small smile,

"Had a nice nap?"

Jin closed his eyes, "Talk to me more. I want to hear your voice." He said. After a long time of being haunted, he finally found you. Your voice that kept him awake. He wanted to save you.

"Jin." You smiled with your eyes fixed on his face.

"I can't hear you." He reached out to touch your face, "What are you thinking?"

"I want to kiss you." You answered without thinking twice. There was no point in lying anyway. He'll know.

He lifted his head off of your lap and faced you, staring at your face, "Then kiss me." Jin moved closer, closer until he got you cornered to the wall. His lips hovered over yours, you stared at his cold but beautiful face. "Your heartbeat is racing."

"I know. You don't need to tell me that." You gave him a smile and pulled on his shirt. Your lips connected and you feel yourself unfolding into him.

Jin has seen everything. He knows what you are. He promised to save you but you didn't know if you were still in a stage where you can be saved. Maybe you're too far gone.

You pushed him and you fell on his chest. His hands running up your back, under your shirt. Jin's touch was the only thing anchoring you to reality. You gasped for air when he left your mouth and kissed the skin under your mandible, down your neck, along your clavicle and then he was back on your lips.

You looked at him. He was pale, so pale that his lips were turning blue. You were killing him just like what you've seen in your dreams. The air in your lungs seemed to have escaped as panic took over your body.

You placed both of your hands on his cheek, "Jin." You choked on your sobs. He wasn't waking up despite everything. You were most afraid of this; that your love will bring him to ruins. You cried, tears running down your face as you shook him, "Jin, wake up. I'm sorry. I-"

"Y/N."

You opened your eyes again and saw him. He wasn't dying. His lips weren't blue nor was he cold in your touch. It wasn't real. Did it happen again?

Jin wiped your tears away, "Why are you crying?"

You succumbed to his embrace, holding onto him tightly, "I-I saw your face, your lips, you were dying. Because of me. I almost killed you."

"That's impossible." Jin smiled at you, pushing the stray strands of hair away from your face, "You can't kill me. I'm not capable of dying."

You pulled away from his body, from your shelter. "I'm so scared of what's happening to me. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"If I were to die in your hands, then I would die happy." Jin took your hands and kissed them softly, twice.

You pulled them away, "Not funny."

"Not kidding." He said, his eyes were as honest as ever but they were hiding something. "Y/N." Your name on his lips was something that you had no power to ignore, "I won't die. Not today. Not tonight. Not tomorrow."

*

She came to me. A mess. A beautiful disaster.

"He came for me. He was watching me." Her eyes were filled with fear. I hated seeing her this way. I will kill him. For hurting the girl I love. For making her this way.

"It's okay, I'm here." I accepted her in my arms. Her tone was thrown off. I can feel her fear.

Help me

I kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes."No one will hurt you."

She begged me to stay with her. Her frame fitted perfectly against my own as if I was only made for her and she for me. She was mine and I was his. She was flawed and I was twisted. This is our love; messy and screwed up but it's us. It's ours.

Some loves are worth dying for but others are worth killing for.

A/N:
I CANT. Oh my God. I'm so sad.
I was done with the trilogy I was reading and now I'm depressed. Lol
I fell in love with Noah Shaw (he's one of the main characters) Why are you so fckng perfect?!!
Now my life is RUINED
I literally just stared at the ceiling for an hour after reading the last page. I wanna cry!!
😭

Has anyone felt this way? Please tell that I'm not the only one 😂😂😂