BTS Imagines

Jin ~ Promise

I remember.

It's impossible for me to forget the day I fell in love with you. Love at first sight was nothing compared to the feeling I felt when I was with you every day. You seem so calm and collected while I, on the other hand, kept swallowing my own voice as my confidence shrunk every minute I spent with you.

Do you remember?

You probably don't but I can't ever forget the way you looked at me with those beautiful eyes of yours. When you came at my door in the middle of the night, crying, and I stayed up with you until morning came. I know that it was wrong to feel happy but I can't deny it. I'm thankful that he left you because I finally had the chance to make you mine.

Your smile, it's tattooed on my mind. That night you cried as you told me yes when I asked you to marry me; in that moment I felt infinite. We were happy, you and I, but it didn't last.

"Jin." You flashed me a smile as soon as I arrived home.

"What's the emergency?" I rushed to you, checking if you were hurt because you sounded so urgent over the phone when you told me to come home right away.

"I'm not hurt." You chuckled lightly, taking my hand and sitting me down on the sofa. "Relax. I just have some good news to tell you."

You brought your hand up to ease the worried lines on my face, wiping them away permanently when you showered me with your kisses. "I'm pregnant with your first child."

I couldn't breathe suddenly as if I forgot how to breathe. You hugged me tight but my body still felt numb over the sudden news. Your lips came on mine again, jolting my body from its frozen state.

"Don't just stare at me! Say something!" You hit my chest playfully.

"I-I just can't believe it. An I really going to be a father?" I was still lost in my own thoughts then you held my hand and squeezed it firmly. "What if I can't be a good father?"

You then cupped my face in your gentle hands and smiled, "That's not possible, Jin. You'll be the best father to our child and I know you're going to love our baby like you loved me."

~

I had to make a few sacrifices during your pregnancy and that includes staying home with you even when my job requires me to live in a dorm along with my members. I begged the higher ups to allow me to live apart from the other members during the critical months of your pregnancy so I could take care of your and our baby's needs. I wanted to started being a father even when she wasn't born yet.

It was difficult, juggling both my career and my job at home but it was more difficult on your part. I know because I saw the changes it did to you.

"She's having a complicated pregnancy." The doctor explained, "You see, first pregnancies are always a risk to the mother. She's in an extremely risky condition because we failed to detect this condition of hers before she became pregnant. Normally, she wouldn't be allowed to have a child." She added, "There is only one way to-"

"I'm not aborting my baby." You stubbornly told the doctor.

I felt heartbroken as I look at your hardened face, "Y/N, I'm sorry but as your husband, I can't let you go on with this."

Your tears broke out and rapidly fell on your cheeks, "But you're also my baby's father."

You were right and now I'm torn between two lives, who am I going to save? I love you too much and I can't just watch you like this but what should I do with the other life in your womb. I want to be a good father but how can I do that without losing you?

I drove you back home. You refused to talk to me during the drive. I know you're disappointed in me because I am too. We used to agree on everything but now we're too distant. We're now two different people.

You called out my name and it was too painful to hear. Your cries and pleads as they tried to save both you and our baby while I do nothing but watch and pray that your delivery goes well. I knew when your grip on my hand loosened that I already lost you but you're able to give life to our child. Even in your last few moments, you were strong. You were amazing, Y/N.

"I love you." I told you with tears running down my face. You held my face and wiped my tears gently with your limp hands.

"She's your responsibility now." Your voice was barely audible over the baby's cry. "Love her. Promise me you'll be there for her every time she needs you.. And tell her that I love her so much." You smiled with your eyes already closed. If I could give you half of my life, I would.

"I love you, Jin."

~

"She's growing up so fast, Y/N." I sat beside your tombstone and arranged the flowers beside your name, "But I'm worried that I'm doing things wrong.. I yelled at her today. I didn't mean to but she's just too hard headed. She never listens to me.. She's just like you."

"I'm afraid to love her like I loved you because I'm scared of losing her too." I took your picture from my wallet, the one I treasured the most, and relived our happy moments together, "She's so much like you that it hurts me to see her, Y/N."

"She told me that I'm the worst father and walked out on me this morning." I added, turning your picture over and over in my hands, "I need you here, Y/N.. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. I bet you know just the right things to make her feel better."

I came home really late that night, exhausted physically and mentally, from work and the problems at home. I found our daughter still up, she was waiting for me by the d00r of her bedroom.

"I'm sorry, Dad."

I dropped my things and opened my arms to welcome her home. She immediately ran to me and I accepted her like how you taught me to, "I'm sorry too and I love you so much."

I stroked her hair softly as she continued to sob on my chest, "I take back what I said. You're not a bad father." She added, holding onto me tightly, "I was just upset because you won't listen to me. I didn't mean to tell you those words. I'm sorry."

"Shh. It's okay. I'm not mad at you." I said, patting her head softly and telling her the things that you would say to her if you were here, "I love you even before you existed in your mom's womb. I love you even when you were just a dream your mom and I shared and talked about almost every day and I'll continue to love you because you're mine and your mom's daughter so don't be afraid to come to me when you want to talk about anything. I'll be here for you."

Author's note:
A really emotional Jin imagine, this one is.
I feel like crying myself OTL