Unnerving the God of Mischief (Loki Comedy)

Chapter 51: See that Grain of Sand?

(Nerdie's P.O.V.)

Being stuck on a lonely island sounds shitty enough, right? 

Being additionally injured makes it worse, right?

Being me is the tip of the iceberg, right?

Well, no. I was carrying my newly wedded sadistic husband in a dress with me and my engineer/billionaire/playboy friend with a memory wipe through a hot desert of sand and bushes.

"Hey, Lokilly!"

"What is it now, Stark?"  He groaned and facepalmed. He was sweating, what am I saying, we were all sweating! 

"See that grain of sand?"

"Ah, yes! What is with it?!" 

"I think we've already passed it." 

"Tony, you have to be kidding me."  I interposed, getting really annoyed by his stupidness. 

Was I that awful too?

"Have I ever lied to a chick?" 

"Stark, I am not a maid! Do I look like I - "

"Yes. Yes, you do look like a guy with boobies. And your hair is just fantastic. And your smile! Baby, you light up the world - "

"Go. To. Hell." 

"Y U No like my voice?"  

"I hate everything and everyone on this planet right now."

"Grumpy Cat! It's you!"

"Nerdellia... I think Stark is dehyrated. He is talking, uh... 'shit'? Do you mortals call it like that when a person is telling dumb things that nobody wants to hear?" 

"Yes, darling, yes. And if that definition is true, every politician and teacher on this planet is also talking shit."

"What's the noun of the adjective 'shit'?"

"Hm, I'd say... a shitload? Ah, what are we talking about?! Dude, you are at least as dehydrated as he is!"

"I was a teacher once... It didn't work."   Tony whispered with a low voice.

"You don't say, Stark?" 

"Y U so mean to me? Just because I'm different?"

"No, Anthony. You are just stupid and I hate stupid people."  Loki replied.

"Then you must hate your wife, too." 

I came to a stop with an abrupt movement. I was already having a lip-twitch and my pupils were dilated like Loki's when he was yelling at me.

"Did... you... just... call... me... DUMB?!" 

"No, I said stupid."

"Listen, I will tell you wha - "

"GAHHH STARK TAKE IT AWAY!!!"   Loki suddenly screamed and threw himself into Tony's arms. 

"What is it?!"

"Jörmungandr!"

"Bless you, my beautiful..."  Tony began to babble, but I quickly grabbed my husband by his neck and ripped him out of his arms before Stark could harrass or violate him.

"No, I mean - Jörmungandr, my son!"

"Dude... it's just a snake."

"A snake?! Just a snake?! It's going to eat me!" 

"Loki! Look at me, straight in the eyes."  I yelled and grabbed his naked, white shoulders. 

He truly looked frightened, like a little child, and his hair was a mess. Sweat was running over his face like drops of water and at one point I was sure that he was beginning to melt... Like a snowman. Literally.

"Nothing is going to eat you, really - "

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." 

I threw another coconut at Stark to silence him.

"I am here, we are together. That is the most important thing, right? And we will find a way to go back home, I promise. And once we're home, we will buy you new hair products and ice cream. Better now?"

He nodded with closed eyes, obviously trying to relax. 

The truth? I had no idea how that was going to happen. Seriously, do I look like someone with a plan?

"Hey, ya'guys know what? I like these coconuts more than you! At least they keep me entertained with some kind company. You're so mean! Right, bartholomoew?" 

"Oh, no!"  Loki boomed and turned around. "You are not naming a vegetable after me!"

"But it's a fruit...?"

"Your name is batholomoew?"  I commented raising my eyebrows.

"Ah... Yes! It's my middle name." 

"Pffff... BLACKMAIL! TROLOLOL - "

"DON'T YOU SAY THAT AGAIN!" Loki screamed at me while closing my mouth. Seriously, he looked awful.

Red like a tomato with red eyes and anger management issues.

"Think I'm gonna call you Barth from now on, would that be okay?" I gasped, still laughing uncontrolledly and pissing off someone who could easily kill me.

"Wait, did you guy hear that?"

"What?"  Loki and I said in unison, but we saw it before Stark could say another word.

Something hit Loki from behind making him fall directly on top of me while another thing threw a kind of net at us. 

Perfect. Now we were not only lost, but also captured by something unkown and potentially dangerous.

Screaming would be a good idea, right?

A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait! I've been passing some of my finals and they're really important to me, so yeah... Not funny, I know. I'm also lacking inspiration. Again. 

Will try everything I can, but if you'd leave some inspiring ideas I'd be veeeery grateful. 

Please vote and comment,

Woman_Of_Mischief