(Third Person's P.O.V.)
The three of them were carried away in nets and huge potato bags. Unnecessary to mention, a certain God of Mischief's temper had reached its maximum and threatend to let the volcano on the island erupt in lava and flying fire balls.
Yes, it was that bad. Loki might be powerless in the wrong environment, but he was always able to influence his surroundings subconsciously.
They dumped them in the middle of a kind of camp, the tents were seemed to be only consisting of sticks and monkey shit. They were obviously natives who must've been living on that remote island for centuries. They looked frighteningly pale, lacking noses and eyebrows, with sharp teeth and disgusting tongues...
It wasn't exactly a beguiling sight.
The natives removed their bags and nets, yet tieing them to pales by their hands. There was nothing they could do, when Tony tried to flirt his way off he only received a punch in the stomach and a bloody lip.
"Nom nom nom na nö gurke katroffel pfirsich kamrash maya krcnovek!"
"Uh, sorry?"
"Schrödör kush kush navoz bewuuuuust!"
"Hey, guys! Let me try to communicate with them!" Tony whispered.
"Anthony! You don't speak their language, stop being an idiot!"
"Eeeeeeeh MACARENA!" Stark suddenly shouted and actually got them to smile.
"A la tuhuelpa legria macarena que tuhuelce paralla legria cosabuena a la tuhuelpa legria macarena..... EEEEEEEHH MACARENA!!!"
"EEEH MACARENA!!!"
"OOOH MACARENA!!!"
"OPPAN GANGNAM STYLE!"
Well, that only lasted for a few seconds. Obviously he had thrown off their groove by merging their "language" with modern Kpop. Their hideous faces ghastly convulsed and sneers played around the corners of their red smudged mouths.
Their leader pointed at Loki.
"AVADA KEDAVRA!"
With that, they untied the angry and anxious demigod only to put him inside a huge, black top over a camp fire. They were.... cooking him. *insert epic facepalm*
Truly, only heat could really kill a Frost Giant. And Loki's temper alone was almost heat enough.
"Psst! Tony!" Nerdie poked him with her foot. "What did he say?"
"Well, after some seconds of profound interpretation and a bit of analysis, I come to the conclusion that their leader ordered: 'Cook the virgin.' "
"DAFUQ DID I JUST HEAR?! I am not a virgin, for Odin's sake!"
"Of course not! Look at her, she's mine!" Stark commented and whistled almost harrassing-ly.
"ANTHONY! HEY, LEAVE MY SKIRT ON AND STOP MAKING A FIRE UNDER MY A - "
"I KNEEEEWW IT! YOU'RE A CHICK!"
"Zip it, Tony! But, but - Hey! You! Yeah, Shovel Face! You can't cook him, he's - he's rotten and his soul is black and his hair is greasy and he's an awful man, he - he is terrible!"
Their chief only smirked and added a bit of salt to their 'Loki-Soup'. They had to react, and they had to react fast.
"Thanks a lot, darling!" Loki thanked her sarcastically and continued trying to untie himself and climb out of the huge, black bowl filled with water and getting uncomfortably hot.
"You guys can't cook him, he loves me!"
That made them all turn around with confused faces and mouths opened stupidly. Had they never knew the word 'love'? Those must be true Neanderthals.
Within a few seconds, Nerdie was untied and put next to Loki into the hot cooking tub.
"That's not what I meant!"
"Eugh shallalal ding dong!"
"EEEEH MACARENA!"
"Eugh eugh MACARENA eugh eugh!!!"
"Yeah, right, I am your king! Untie me, peasants!"
"Is Tony seriously communicating with them?" Nerdie whispered while trying not touch the hot surface of the tub.
"I don't know, but does is really matter? We will get cooked and eaten anyway! I am sorry, Nerdellia. I am so sorry I could not give you the live you desired and I am sorry for using your toothbrush as a brush for my eyebrows - "
"WHAT?! YOU LITTLE SHIT - "
" - and your razor to shave my back."
"Darling? Just give me a minute - TO VOMMIT!!! YOU SHAVED YOUR ASS WITH MY RAZOR?! HOW DARE YOU - "
"MY BACK! I SAID MY BACK!"
"I WILL DIVORCE YOU, LOKI LAUF-ASS-SON! YOU WILL - "
Before she could utter another sentence (or another word.... or insult... whatever) the natives suddenly pushed over the bowl, making them both fall out of it and stare confusedly at the Voldemort-army in front of them.
"And as your new king, I decide that you shall not cook my friends - "
"ANTHONY YOU LITTLE - "
"You know what? Changed ma mind. Cook the virgin."
"Don't listen to Loki, he's a disortiented maniac with anger management problems and obvious trust issues! Please excuse my embarrassing husband."
"Okay, let 'em go. Welp, now listen to me - Yeah, you, too! Eyes on me... Your new King. Iron King."
"You can impossibly be serious, Anthony!"
"I'd watch my mouth if I were you, Rock of Ages. One more word and I'll let 'em eat your arms for dinner."
"Shut up, you idiot!" Nerdie hissed and elbowed Loki in the ribs.
Where was this all getting? Stark? A chief of a native tribe stuck in the middle of nowhere?
Perfect. Their lives were sooo utterly ordinary and perfect. They should seriously make a film about it.
A/N: ..... Sorry. Just - sorry.
Woman_Of_Mischief
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Unnerving the God of Mischief (Loki Comedy)
FanfictionAgent Nerdie is supposed to watch Loki in his cell and prevent him from pulling any wrong stunts. But she is a very hyperactive, creepy fangirl and has a disastrous crush on the mass murderer... Let the real Hunger Games begin.
