How To Love (Tyler Seguin)

Chapter 51

Tyler's POV

Being without Amy is becoming easier and harder at the same time. The pain of being without her grows each day. But my mind and body is getting used to the pain. I recognize the pain that's there, but I've become numb to it.

I've tried many different things to get Amy off of my mind. I tried working out more, hanging out with the guys, playing with my dogs, watching movies, listening to music, cooking, writing, and so much more. I've tried to develop a new hobby to distract myself from thinking about Amy, but nothing works.

My mind always manages to find a way to work Amy into my thoughts. If I see something blue that resembles Amy's eyes, I think of her. If I see a drawing, I think of her. If I hear a certain song, I think of her. If I wear certain clothes, I think of her. If I eat certain foods, I think of her. Every little thing that I do, triggers a memory of Amy.

But I want to forget about her. I want to erase all memories of her. It's been so long since I've seen her or spoken to her. And I'm losing hope of ever having her back in my life. So to forget about her would make things easier. It would make living without her easier. It would make the pain go away.

As I'm lying on my couch with Cash lying next to me, and Marshall lying by my feet, I get a text on my phone. I reach over to the coffee table to pick up my phone. My old wallpaper of Amy and I has been changed to a generic wallpaper to ensure that I don't see her face and begin to think about her.

*Hey, what are you doing tonight? Want to go out to a club?* the text from my friend Josh says.

I ponder over the invitation for a few minutes. It's been a while since I've gone to a club. I haven't really gone to one since Amy arrived in my life. But maybe going to one will be a good thing. Maybe I need to start doing the things I used to do to get her off my mind.

*Sure. Just text me a time and place* I send back.

In a minute, I receive a text back from Josh telling me what club to be at for ten o'clock tonight. There's still a lot of time till then, so I start debating with myself on what to do until then. Eventually, I decide on making myself dinner and then taking the dogs out for a walk.

I move off of the couch, and head over to the kitchen. The dogs follow behind me, and watch me as I look through my cupboards for something to make. I settle on making spaghetti with vegetables in it. I put the noddles in boiling water, and begin to chop up some vegetables and heat up the sauce.

As I'm finishing up cutting a red bell pepper, Cash starts to nudge my leg. I wipe my hands clean, and bend down to scratch his head and give him a kiss. Cash licks my face, reciprocating the affection.

I look over to Marshall who is lying down near his bowl, but not eating anything. He's been moping around a lot lately. He's not as enthusiastic anymore. I think he misses Amy just as much as I do. He developed a strong liking for Amy, and is definitely aware of her absence.

I walk over to Marshall, and pet his head. He looks up at me with sad, brown eyes. He lets out a quiet whimper. I scratch behind Marshall's ear, which usually makes him happy, but Marshall doesn't respond to it now.

"I miss her too, buddy," I say with a sigh. "But we have to forget about her, and learn to live without her. I don't think she's coming back."

I hear sizzling coming from the stovetop. I stand up straight, and see water boiling out of the pot and onto the stove. I quickly turn the stove off, and drain the spaghetti in the sink. I stir in the spaghetti and vegetables into the sauce, and allow it all to cook together.

Then I pour it all out onto a plate. I grab myself a can of soda, and a fork. I carry everything over to the couch. I sit down, and kick my feet up onto the coffee table. I turn on the tv, and watch whatever random show is on while I eat my dinner.