That '70s Style (Book 1)

Tearjerker.

My mouth fell open,
Hoping that the truth
Would not be true.
Refuse the news.

I'm feeling sick now.
What the fuck am I
Supposed to do?
Just lose and lose.
"Tearjerker" // Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Creeping quietly into the house, I glance at my watch. It's 5:27 in the morning. My schedule is so off, but it corresponds with John's. He usually wakes up around now, & Hyde's asleep, so it's perfect.
Walking down the stairs to the basement, I feel myself smile. I really love John, & I feel like he's brought Hyde & I closer.
John is the best thing to ever happen to me.
I watch my sleeping baby in his black crib, lying peacefully on his back. He's so still & quiet; it's adorable.
Not meaning to, I step on something, making a loud noise. Immediately, I watch, hoping John doesn't start crying.
He does nothing, which relieves me momentarily.
John doesn't move at all, & he doesn't make any noise. His chest isn't rising & falling. His eyelids don't squeeze shut as he dreams silently.
Oh my god.
Panicking, time -along with my heart- completely stops. I pick my cold, unmoving son up, & he still is motionless. My heart lodges into my throat - making me unable to scream, or breathe, or do anything.
Cradling my deceased baby tightly against my chest, my fingers fumble against the phone. I make the call to 911, hardly even able to speak. Stuttering, I give the address, & the phone drops from my hand.
Staring in horror at John, I feel the tears pour off my face. My hand finds its way to his heart.
It's not beating.
I try to find his pulse.
There is none.
For the next part, it feels as if I'm watching this happen instead of experiencing this: Someone rushes John & I into the ambulance, then they pull him from my arms, which makes me scream. They hook him up to dozens of things, & I can't tear my eyes away.
With my heart just as stationary as John's, I press my hand against my chest. This cannot be happening. Suddenly, I throw up, but I don't care. I force my head back up to watch John, to see - if possibly - he's made any movement.