You Again

5

*Niall's POV*

After what I just heard from mother's mouth, I was shocked, devistated, sad, angry, annoyed! Everything is in me. WHY?! Just WHY??!

Everything makes sense now. The coma, the dream. Tessa. This is why I'm here. I'm here because this is all my fault. If only I should've listen to what mother had said, Tessa would be here right beside me holding my hand, stroking my blonde hair saying the word "I Love You" to me. I can't handle this. My one & only Tessa is gone. She's gone forever. Nobody will ever replace Tessa's place in my heart. I can't do this. I can't live anymore!

Who will make me happy when I'm sad? Who will stay there for me through thick & thin? Who will give those sweet kisses when I need them? Who will hold my hand whenever I'm nervous? Who will comfort me whenever I feel scared? Who? Who?!

Nobody.

Eventhough mother is here right besides me, she will never give me this feeling, this lovely presence inside my heart just like Tessa always did. I can't stop crying. Eventhough I'm a guy, that doesn't mean I'm a tough guy inside & out. Right now, I'm broken. Inside & out. My heart has no longer have their pieces again. Half of it already gone. Maybe a quarter of it. They all shattered in pieces. No girl can fix this. Only Tessa can fix this. I only want Tessa. Tessa only. But, she can't. She's gone. Living me all alone in this cold world. The world is in darkness when she's not here. My world is in darkness. She's the light to my life. My life is lighter when she's here. But now, It's....It's dark, lonely & alone.

"I'm....I'm sorry Niall! This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let you go. If only I knew that something bad will happen, I wish I could just stop you from going there. Please forgive me Niall. I'm a terrible mother. I know I am. I always been." She sob. Crying in her talk. Stuttering & sniffing. She almost out of breath.

"Niall! Talk to me Niall. Plea...se...Say something!" Mother shaking me non stop. I just lay there on my small bed, staring at the ceiling, crying also. I can feel that my cheeks are already wet full of my salty tears. 

I moved my body to the side so my eyes are looking at the left side of the window. I'm just staring there at the night sky full of bright stars twinkling. I wonder if Tessa are one of them. I can't imagine how beautiful she is when she's an angel. I wonder if Tessa is looking at me right now smiling because she knows I'm alive & I wonder if Tessa is looking at me right now crying because I'm not with her up there to comfort her just like she always do to me. Tessa, why you? Why can't we be together forever?

"Ma'am, visiting hour is already over You should go home & get some rest. Give the patient some rest to." I suddenly heard a female nurse talking to my mother. 

I can feel that mother's nodding her head. She's still crying though because I can still hear her sniffing & sobbing.

When my mother got up from the chair she was sitting on, she stroke my hair & kissed the side of my head. She whispers the word "I'm sorry" to me again but I ignore her because I was still crying.

"Mother..." I called her when she was about to open the door. I can feel it that she stopped & looked at me. 

"It's not your fault. It was never your fault. It was mine. From the moment you warned me about that day." I said without looking at her but looking at the night sky full of twinkling stars.

"I'm sorry ma'am but you have to go. It's getting late & the hospital is almost close." The female nurse said.

I knew my mother wanted to say something but she got stopped by that annoying nurse. So, my mother just walk away without saying a single word. She just cry & cry & cry.

*Maura's POV*

I wanted to say something but that female nurse stopped me. She just wanted me to live cause the hospital is almost closed. So, I just walked awat without saying a single word to Niall. 

I walk out from Niall's hospital room to the corridor then to the hall I'm still crying because of Tessa's death & Niall saying that this is all his fault.  

NO! It's not his fault. Can't he see that this is all clearly my fault? I was the one who let him celebrate Tessa's birthday at the mall. I was the one who forced him to go there. I was the one who didn't give much warning that day & I was the one who didn't let him celebrates Tessa's birthday at home. If they were safely at my house celebrating, they would now cuddling each other or dancing at proms together. Happily. Without any sign that they would loose one of them. STUPID, CARELESS MAURA! How could you let your son suffered, totured by his own heartbreak? How could you let Tessa died just like that? I really am a terrible mother.

I will miss Tessa. She's the one who always comfort me when I was lonely or sad. She's the one who made me happy by calling me her mother. Tessa doesn't have parents. She live alone with her two older sisters. They three was like a daughter I never had. They three loved me like I'm their own mother. But unfortunately, two of them moved away. Moved on & live with their seperate lifes. Tessa was alone. Thank God that she has her savings & can afford to buy her own shelter, food & drinks. After all the stories I heard from Tessa's mouth, I knew that I wanted to help her. So I help her doing so many things & that's where I knew I loved her more than anything.

Now that Tessa's gone forever, I feel like I lost a daughter of mine. I'm stressed right now. I feel devistated. I have headaches! I'm tired with all the crying. But, eventually I have to move on from this. I can. But what about Niall? Can he do this? Can he move on from her death? Tessa is the love of his life. Tessa is Niall soulmate for God sake. Well, was. How can he do this? He will never be the same again.

Oh God help me!

Niall will never be that happy boy again. He will never have that bubbly personality in him. He will never make jokes when his boring & Niall will never be that one happy boy who always hungry all the time when his in a bad or in good mood. Oh Tessa, why would you live me? Why would you live Niall? Why would you live us?